Every Boy's Dream..

Last year, my boys were whining and complaining. Every other boy gets to go hunting with their dad. They were just poor boys who would never get to hunting. They would be damaged for life. There was just no hope for them. 😏

I told them to pray about it instead of feeling sorry for themselves.




See the thing is, they have pics of M (my late husband) in their bedroom. They have a pic of him at 13 with his first buck. M was an obsessive hunter. He was either enjoying hunting or counting days until the next hunting season. I really wanted my boys to enjoy hunting. This was a special connection for them. Tho they had never met M, his legacy lives on in them.


                                            
So the poor boys thought they were destined to life of never hunting.. which would probably require years of therapy. :) but God knows the desires of our hearts...

Last fall, their friend Mr. S offered take them hunting, but somehow I had dropped the ball and did not get them to their hunter safety course.  So they were quite unhappy. In the spring of 2017, I took my oldest 3 to get their hunter safety course done. 

Now the problem remained.. they wanted a crossbow.. They begged and pleaded, but mom refused.. So Aunt M and Uncle A came to the rescue. The bow made it's way all the way from Ohio, via some furniture delivery trucks. My boys were quite tickled that the delivery guy didn't bat an eye that two young, black men would pick up a bow send from the amish grandpa in Ohio. 

So Mr. S, our neighbor took the boys hunting. He took Lee out the first night. They went about 30 minutes away, spend an evening in the tree and didn't see a thing.
One rainy fall evening, Mr. S stopped by and asked if David wanted to hunting up on the hill behind our house.  It was a rainy afternoon.. They headed out, David's first hunting adventure. After only an hour in the tree, a nice 10 point buck, stepped out in front of the treestand. A quick shot and the deer leaped up, flipped over and ran off. They searched for the deer for hours and hours in the rain. Finally at dark they gave up.

The next morning, Mr. S, his son J, and my 4 oldest kids went tracking after this deer. They searched for about 30 minutes before finding the deer. David was so amazed, he could not believe that HE HAD SHOT A BUCK!

The boys wanted to mount the head, but that obviously was not in moms budget, so we googled how to do a skull mount. The boys have worked together as a team to skin the head and prep it for rotting away the brain etc..

It's the moments like this, when I know that God cares for the fatherless and he cares about every little detail.

Summer Fun

I am way on behind with my blogging. I really need to update from our summer fall! We have had so much fun in the past couple months! So many fun things that I need to document! :)

First there was the eclipse, then I took the girls to a Secret Keeper Girl Live Event. Meanwhile the boys got to hunting and Jeremiah shot a 10 point buck. I took the boys to see Nicky Cruz at a local fundraiser and a friend took the girls and I to a Chris Tomlin Concert! (We had floor seats, it was AWESOME!)

I will start by sharing some of our pictures from the eclipse. Thanks to a friend, who wanted me to pick up glasses for her,I was prepared with eclipse glasses. (prior to her asking me to do that I had no idea we needed glasses). We invited our friends to join us in watching the eclipse.

We watched the eclipse  coverage live on NASA for hours. 

The kids noticed the strange leaf patterns! This was really cool.
It was rather cloudy so we did not get to fully enjoy the eclipse. But it was a neat experience. 

This was our viewing deck! 

I took the girls to a Secret Keeper Girl Live Event. We left the boys and Abi with friends. First we stopped at Sweet Frog and ate entirely to much sugar and junk. 

Despite the looks on their faces, they had a lot fun.

My two beautiful daughters! I am so thankful I get to be their mother. WE have all done so much growing in the last year. I love seeing them become young ladies who love Jesus. 

Cape Cod..

In Sept a dear friend of ours, blessed us with a week of vacation at their timeshare in Cape Cod. Many years ago, M and I had gone to Cape Cod for a vacation and it was one of m favorite vacation spots.

We had such a relaxing, delightful week. We stayed in a small resort right on the beach. We had a tiny cottage next door to the indoor pool and the playground. The beach was only a short walk from our cottage. We made some incredible memories...

Ask not what God can do for you, but what you can do for Him.

Something that a friend said to me.. and again came up in the books I was reading this week. Don't ask God to bless you, to give you what you want. Instead start each day by asking what you can do for God. So I have been mulling over this a lot lately. I am constantly asking God to help me, to provide for me, to fill in the gaps for me. I need Him in order to do what I do... He answers frequently with blessings beyond what I could ever imagine. Sometimes He says no. I have learned to trust. But now I am trying to start each day with asking God what I can do for Him. Instead of asking for my needs to be met, I am praying that I could do something for for Jesus. Which is mostly showing His love to my kids and the people I encounter in the day to day, it's nothing big or extravagant. It's small, little everyday things.

So then the question has been in my mind of, how then do I present my needs to my Father when my goal is to have a relationship where I am serving more than I am asking for my needs to be met. I have not come to a good conclusion.. but I had this little thing happen tonight that bolstered my faith and gave me confidence to continue on this road. So every 6 months we butcher a jersey steer that we raise. We ran out of hamburger 2 weeks ago. We eat approx 10 lbs of beef every week. So this is kinda a big deal. Today I was menu planning. I went down to see what I have in my freezers. I had a pile of freshly butchered ground sausage and scrapple(another God story for another day), some turkey sausage (yet another God story) and 2 pks of chicken, along with prepackaged burgers. Our next steer will butchered in about 4 weeks. So I said it once "God, I am sorta out of meat for dinner. Thanks for the ways You have provided before." I did not fret or worry. I was able to menu plan for the next week with what I have here. I also asked God how he would have me serve him, as my goal is to change my habitual prayers to praise and the desire to serve instead of just asking for my needs to be met. Several hours later, we were having a loud and chaotic dinner conversation when we heard someone knocking loudly on the door. It was a neighbor, I don't know them well. But they are always friendly and kind. They own a farmer's market stand. They had come bearing a bag of fresh meats!! Yummy meat from their meat stand. They had no idea that I was out of beef. They had no idea of the prayer I had breathed as I menu planned for dinner meats. They had no idea.. yet... they showed up with these blessings. Now sometimes it's hard for me to accept these gifts. Especially when I have no way of repaying them. This is not the first time they have brought meat with divine timing. I know it's just meat. But when you have four hungry preteens, it's sorta a big deal. So what I learned today is that we are to serve Jesus, to look for ways to do things He needs us to do. But He also wants to bless us. He cares about these things. He really does and if we are obedient He will give us good gifts. (Another God story) So these same neighbors... back in April on the day that would have been our 12th wedding anniversary, I had had a long day. (it's a day that is really only remembered by me, as it has little significance to anyone else.) At the end of the very long day, there was a knock on the door. I opened it to see this same neighbor family, they brought us meat and sub rolls. They had no idea, none that the significance of this day. But they had felt led, and they brought us this blessing. It felt like this little God hug..

Foster Care Scars..

On August 26, 2008. I was sitting poolside at my Aunt (by marriage) house. My phone rang, it was almost 5 pm. I missed it, my caseworker left a voicemail for me. I tried frantically to call her back, but the office was closed already. That was just the beginning..

I had been a foster parent for 5 months. I had several short term placements.  I was a 24 yr old widow, determined to find a purpose in life.
They had been in foster care since April 2007. (ironically the day we buried my husband). They had been in 2 homes and now needed a new home.

I was able to reach the caseworker's voicemail. I left her a message stating that I was prepared to take these kids. They had called me about these kiddoes before. But the county caseworker wanted a 2 parent, African American home, so my file had been turned down.. But for some unknown reason, my private agency CW had resubmitted my profile. There was a new county caseworker on the case and she approved us, as an emergency respite. Now my agency was trying to work out the details.

They were 3 and 4 yrs old. She looked like a little fawn, big scared eyes, cute little pixie face. He was all macho, brave little man. I imagine Bubbie being in foster care and my heart breaks for my son's lost innocence.


It took us 2 days to work out the details. There were allegations of abuse, laws being broken, rules being bent, whispers of problems in the previous home.

The kiddoes were supposed to arrive at 4 pm. My friend S came over to hang out with me, to help me transition these kids into my home. We knew there would be drama.

The caseworker arrive at 6, (she would eventually become a good friend). She informed us that the foster parents wanted to bring the kids over themselves, after dinner. I felt uncomfortable, but I was young and new at this..


They finally arrive at 9:30 at night.. I lived back a long driveway, way out in the country. This African American Grandpa and Grandma, arrive with their hispanic son entow. They brought the two little kids..

they didn't bring a stuffie.

They didn't bring pjs.

They didn't bring pictures.

They didn't bring toys.

They didn't even bring a change of clothes or underwear.

These kids had lived in their home for 3 months and they had done respite for them for over  a year..They brought NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!


They dropped off these two little kids. The little girl, she was asleep or pretended to be. THey carried her into the house and plopped her into a bed.
The little boy, he was 4 yrs old. He came in with his foster brother.. and they played with my friend's son in the toy room, while us adults talked. It was uncomfortable to say the least. The foster parents were not happy. I wasn't sure why exactly they were arriving at 9:30 pm instead of 4, as was scheduled.

We talked for a couple minutes, then they called their adopted son out of the bedroom. Then.. they quietly snuck out the door. The little 4 yr old boy had not been told anything. He thought they were visiting my house, as friends. Suddenly he realized that his family had left without him. He ran screaming for the door, frantic to get out. I was a complete stranger, a white stranger who lived way back in the scary woods. I locked the door to keep him from running.

He collapsed in the caseworkers arms, crying for his mommy...  the one who had just dropped him off, without an explanation, who had left him with strangers without saying good by..

Meanwhile the little girlie, slept on in bed. To this day if she gets woken up in a new place in the middle of the night, she will cry nonstop.

Eventually the caseworker left, the friend left, the little boy settled in to watch a movie until he fell asleep.

The little girl woke up at 3 am, she screamed frantically for her mommy. Where was she? Who was the young white woman who had replaced her black grandmotherly mommy? It tooks hours to settle her. She never again cried for her first or second mommy. She shut down.

The next couple days were hard. No one knew if the kids would be staying in this home long term.This was a trial and the county would ultimately make a decision on whether they would stay or go.

The little boy would cry, big crocodile tears, why do my mommies not love me? Why did they leave me? There was nothing to do but to hold him and cry with him.  He lived with the fear of abandonment for many years, babysitters were scary cause what if this new mommy would not come back.

Time marches on.. time heals.. but scars will always remain. To lose everything familiar to you in one night, to have this happen multiple times with multiple caregivers is devastating.

It took us over 3 years to adopt these two kiddoes. But they are now permanent members of our family.


As a mother, that was one of the hardest things.. to see these little kids devastated by the awful transitions. I was too young and niave. I did not fight for their possessions from the previous home.  I will always regret that...

Now these two are 12 and 13 yrs old. Those days are vague memories.. God has done an incredible work in all of our lives..

When Mom Runs on Empty...

God has taken me on a journey this past week.. I don't particularly like the direction of this journey. But it has been good for me.
 I am thankful that God has placed some good, strong Godly people in my life. People who are not afraid to speak truth, strong truth into my life.
The thing is, when you listen to the good, strong, Godly people in your life, it usually means God is doing something big.


The thing is, sometimes you get so caught up in doing everything right, living up to what you think people want from you, meeting goals you set for yourself that you forget that God doesn't expect you to do it on your own. That HE IS THE SOURCE OF YOUR POWER!

When we remember that God is the source of our power, we can be powerful warriors for the kingdom. We can do amazing things, because God is the source of our power. But when we strive to do things in our own power, we wear out, we burn out, we fail. (actually sometimes we fail when we do things in God's power because our failure is part of his making us who we are to be, to best serve him)

In the work that God has done in my heart has been two part. 1 is the reminder that God is my source of power. My ministry, my living, my parenting is NOTHING without God's power in me. When I allow my tank to become empty, when the daily grind of parenting, of serving, and the addiction of fb pulls me away from getting refilled by Jesus. When I forget to spend time plugged in to Jesus, when I don't read His love letters... I am empty, my source of power is gone. I am striving and failing to be who I am meant to be. I wear out. I burn out..
2. By drawing close to God, I have His power, His strength, His blessing, His discernment in my life. Which means my own life is not overwhelming.

 It means that I am excited about parenting. It means that when that child throws the 500th tantrum, I am not running on empty, but am running with Holy Spirit Strength which allows me to pull out old parenting tricks from my extensive parenting toolbox. It means I am not frustrated by the child, I see it as a teaching moment. An oppurtunity to practice resting in what Jesus has for me in this season.

When homeschooling highschool wants to overwhelm me. When I sit down to make a schedule and I am not sure how I am going to do school for a 9th grader, 2-7th graders, a 5th grader, a very special needs 4th grader, and a very energetic toddler, I can ask God for His Power which will sustain me.

When ADHD, ODD, PTSD, food allergies, asthma, seizures, massive constipation, lyme disease, candida, genetic mental illness, and trauma behaviors crash in on my day, I can stand strong with His power.

When the bills come and the budget is stretched thin again and financial decisions have to be made,and I have been deceived and lost trust in all earthly advisors...I can trust that I have the very best Advisor who can see not only the momentary problems but the long term too. He promises to always provide and he does.

When I run into my first "daughter" and my heart stops....because I have not seen her in 5-6 years...and I want to be in her life... but I don't know how to balance boundaries with the love of Jesus. I can trust that He will give me wisdom.

The thing is.. God fills us with His Power and uses His people to fulfill His promises. When everything is crazy, he brings community.

He brings the produce place that has 3 baskets of peaches on sale, that arrive on the very day that a friend decides to drop off 4 baskets of peaches, the very day that another friend insists that when you are ready to do peaches she will help you.  So you can do all 7 baskets of peaches on one day with the helping of an amazing friend.

God shows His power when He provides the most unlikely friend to provide free respite one day a week for your daughter with special needs. That same friend that isn't afraid to confront you when you are doing things on your own.

God shows His power when your sister sends you a box of dishrags, dishtowels and pot holders cause you are a tightwad and hate to spend money on such things... and every time you wash dishes you think about His blessings on you...

God shows His power when you get free horseback riding for 3 of your kids.. and your kids get to work on the farm.. and the farm brings deep healing to the soul of your broken children.. and you get to sit by the pond and breath in the beauty of the farm for 2 hours every week. which feeds your soul and you feel God's presence and His love.

God shows his power when you get a hair dresser that does your hair without charging, and shares how amazingly God has worked in her life and you are encouraged just by being in her presence.

God shows His power when you find a Super Hero Cape for your very challenging child and you can help him gain super powers by being kind and obedient... and he wants to wear the cape every single day.

God shows His power when everything is canceled for the day, by the 3 different people your children minister too.. which gives you a free day at home to schedule your homeschooling and get your life back under control. Which brings peace to your soul.

God shows His power when he blesses you with a neighbor friend that wants to walk 3 miles a day with you, which is so important for your mental and physical health... that calls you and talks on the phone with you, and listens to you vent and rant and rave...

God shows His power when he provides a neighbor dad, that has over the years gained your trust,  fills out hunting licenses, teaches kids how to shoot guns/bows and takes them hunting and fishing and fills in the gaps in the lives of 13 yr old boys who don't have a dad.. and 12 yr old girls who don't trust men.. and 4 yr old boys that need someone to look up to.

God shows His power when he provides a Dr that works with your budget and your schedule and helps your child with anxiety.... and your children with lyme.. and your child with seizures..


So remember today, that when you rest in Jesus, He wil take care of everything. It doesn't mean that your life will be easy, painfree or stressfree. But it means that your life will be peaceful and you will get to see incredible miracles.

Why Do I Do What I Do?

This week, we added a kiddoe to our family for the week. A 9 yr old boy from The Bronx, through the Fresh Air Fund program.




This is our second year as a host family. Last year we had a young girl from a very broken family. It was a long week, tho she was not terribly difficult. It was just a situation that required me to be hypervigilant every second of every day. We invited her back, because of several things that happened during her stay, things that confirmed that we were doing what God called us to do. However, she did not accept our invitation to come back. (I don't know the reason why, but trust God knows that we did our best)




This year, we have an amazing 9 yr old boy. His mom contacted me and we chatted before he arrived. We have been in contact every day via text. He is obviously a well loved, well adjusted child... his presence in our home has not been disruptive in the least bit. He has made friends with my kids, both my boys and girls. They play games for hours. He doesn't fuss or fight (so far) lol




Last week, right before this kiddoe came to stay with us. I was listening to the radio and praying. There was a lot of anxiety in my house as we prepped for him to come stay with us. I was questioning my own judgement, when I heard on the radio.. I am going to paraphrase here "God has given you this gift. STop throwing it away. Stop being embarrassed by it. Stop acting all bashful when someone compliments you on it. Let God show His fully Glory through you".




So the question is raised.. why would I take on another child, specifically a young black man from the The Bronx? Don't I have enough on my plate?




Reality is, God has been revealing that I care too much about what people think. I care too much, when people think there is no way I could possibly parent all these kids in a healthy manner. (Granted I am far from perfect and fail often. I am sure that my kids will all need therapy someday) :) But I feel like I constantly have to prove that I can do it all, alone and well. God has been revealing to me, that this is not what He has given me this gift/talent for.




A talent is something that you are instinctually born with that gives you unique skills and abilities. Talent is set apart from knowledge in that it is not a learned behavior, although it can be strengthened and practiced. The Bible tells us that we are all born with distinct talents and gifts that set us apart from each other. When you discover the talents that God has given you and you use them to glorify Him, you will experience a full life! Our loving Lord wants us to feel whole and complete, and it is through talents that we can find our unique calling in life! Use these Bible verses about talents to encourage yourself and others who are seeking God's plan for their life. (stole this from http://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/bible-verses-about-talent/)

So I have been mulling over this.
When I was 16 I became a nanny to two young boys. (that are now college athletes! :) ) When I was a young widow, I started doing foster care. I also opened a licensed daycare in my home. I had a constant string of kids from the local youth center in my home. I did respite for a local program for single moms. I went on to adopt 6 kids. I did all of these things because I LOVED doing them. Not because I needed the money, not because I needed a job, but because this was my passion. I love kids. I love the chaos. I love watching kids experience new things. I really love allowing kids to see the amazing world that God made for us to enjoy. I really love bringing city kids into my home and allowing them to experience the animals, the grass, the wild fun..

This is my gift and my talent. This is who God created me to be.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

So when I have 7 kids running around my house..
My windows and floors are always dirty...
there is never enough food, not matter how much I prepare and they are always hungry an hour later
when they fight and scream and I get discouraged..
when we can't go places because we have to take the wheelchair, and the place isn't accessible..

It doesn't mean I am a failure..
that I shouldn't have so many kids....
It doesn't mean that I should stop serving..
It doesn't mean that I have overextended myself..
It simply means I am having a bad day...

I can thank God for His Gift, so that I can be used for His honor and Glory..
That serving these kiddoes brings me joy
Watching the next generation show the love of Jesus
Watching the next generation get excited about helping new kiddoes experience things that are old hat to them...
watching as MY kids forget that they were once those kids in awe of everything..
that my house is never quiet or lonely..


what is your talent or gift? Are you using it? Are you allowing God to multiply it, to grow it into something big and beautiful, and maybe just a little crazy?

Beach Day

We went to the beach today..
   We don't do birthday parties.. instead we do a family memory day.
           So Elizabeth had a birthday today and she chose to go to the beach.
                It was the perfect kinda day.


Matia asked if we could go to the beach for her birthday. I decided I was ready to try another beach trip. It's been awhile. I don't particularly like hot, sandy beaches. I don't like lugging stuff up and down the beach. But I do enjoy a nice cool day on the beach.

So we decided to go to Slaughter Beach. I remembered that somewhere around 6 years ago we had done a daytrip to Slaughter Beach. Would you believe that despite being extremely directionally challenged and always getting lost, we made it to Slaughter Beach and parked at the same spot we did 6 years ago?

Slaughter Beach is not a nice fancy touristy beach. It is a quiet, dirty, little beach. You park by the fire house.. if you go early, you will have the beach to yourselves. It's not that clean, but it has clean bathrooms. It is handicapped accessible and it is only 2.5 hrs from my house.

We picked up Miss C, my mother's helper. She was excited to join us on our trip. I wanted an extra set of hands to help with Nesiah. I was so thankful for her help. It totally lightened my load.

WE had the most delightful day. The child we were celebrating has had some struggles recently. We are working hard at having healthy relationships.. But today was just the perfect kinda day.

We picked up Miss C at 8:30 am. We never made it to the beach until 11 am. But the beach was empty when we got there. We parked, unloaded and unleashed antsy kids.

The kids had such a  total blast playing in the waves. The water was just perfect and this momma could relax. We had a picnic lunch and dinner packed.  The kids had brought a stack of books, they played catch and football..

I got to sit back with  Nesiah while Miss C played with the kids. Later I got to play with the kids while she sat with Nesiah. I laid down and almost dozed off.. yes, with 6 kids at the beach! I took a long walk down the beach with 3 of my kiddoes. We found horse shoe crabs and lots of fun rocks.

At the end of the day, after we had eaten dinner and everyone was doing one last thing on the beach.. I walked down to the edge of the water, to breath, to pray, to just be.. (you know with 6 kids that doesn't happen very often). I love to see the powerful waves, the beautiful blue skyline and just marvel at our Creator's beautiful design. I imagine heaven will have beautiful waters and skies..There is something about the ocean that is good for the soul.

Jumbled Thoughts...

I have been mulling over a lot in the past couple days..

Do you know that there are actually quite a few stories in the Bible of how God provided for the widows? God used the widows to do his work? They are prominent women that God chose to use for His glory..  As a widow with a lot on her plate at the moment, that has been very comforting.

Lately, I have been mulling over the stuff my kids went through before they came to me. It is their story to tell, not mine.. We live a "normal" life.. a life where we do things like normal people do, we are a little weird maybe? Ha. But reality is, every one of my kids has endured things, seen things, suffered things that I can't even imagine. Some things they remember, some things they don't, some things they heard/felt in the womb, some things they talk about, some things they refuse to talk about, some things fester, some things brew, some things bring healing, some things are best forgotten, some things are best worked through...
 It is my job to discern who needs what and when.. to help them talk through it, walk through it.. I am a matter of fact sorta person. Life is hard. Deal with it. Pray, talk, process and let go. Life is to short to hang on to baggage. Unfortunately each kiddoe has their own personality type and this makes it hard to meet them where they are at..But with wise counsel and lots of Holy Spirit guidance, we are making progress..

All that being said.. I am often in awe of everything my kids have overcome. They are the statistics. They are the kids that were in the system. They are the black kids, that spend their early childhood years abused, homeless, moving from foster home to foster home, older child adoption... Now being raised in a single parent home... They are the kids that should be doing drugs, making babies and in trouble with the authorities. But they are not. They are strong, country kids. They spend their days playing with animals and playing legos. They dream of wild camping adventures, visiting amish relatives, being the next president, being missionaries.. I have put up some strong boundaries. They are going to be happy, carefree children as long as I can possibly let them. They are going to dream big dreams, they are going to be able to be anything they want to be..


 Father's Day.. For some of my children this day is hard. For other's it's a sad reminder.. For others it brings anger.  They hate church on Father's Day.. I used to get them to make their crafts/cards etc.. for their mentors or grandpa. They don't want to do that anymore.. They don't want to do Father's Day.  So.. we won't do Father's Day. We will take the day off, we will talk through their emotions, if we feel motivated we will do something fun, if we don't we will just be home.... some of my kids have birth fathers out there, we know where they are, and we know why they are there.. others have no identified birth fathers.. others we don't know where they are.. Fathers Day seems to bring up birth dad discussions.. One of mine seems to think his lives with the Lone Ranger... He also was quite proudly telling all his friends where his birth dad "lives". SMH
There is sadness cause they wish God would not have taken away Mesh (my late husband, who died before they came to live with me). They wish he was here to be their father.. Some are angry cause momma refuses to look for a new daddy for them. Ha.
There is Jesus in Heaven, who provides and loves them.. He is their father, and they must wait until they get to heaven to have a daddy...

I watch my friends with housefuls fo little ones, fostering, praying for their adoption dates etc..I remember those days. I remember the older wiser foster parents telling me, it only gets harder.. it is true, it has been harder then I ever imagined it would be. But reality is I would not trade all this for all the world. I am so thankful for this journey I am on, I am thankful that I get to parent these kids. I am officially the mother of one teen, another one soon to be a teen. We have been through a lot together, no matter where we go in life, I want to remember the slow days of summer... the summer days where playing with dogs, legos, cats, goats, swimming in the neighbors pool, or at the pool with friends, going to the library, listening to hours and hours of Jonathan Park, and just being home together.....

When God is Your Daddy,..

Fayth is my girly girl. My sweet girl that is often left behind because she does not like animals. She is not a tomboy like her older sister and her momma. She enjoys girly things, pink, frilly, fancy things..

Fayth is also my sweet girl. She often helps me care for Nesiah. She has a special relationship with Nesiah and makes many sacrifices to help care for Nesiah.

Fayth loves to play dolls and had this special 18" doll, named Taryn. She loved Taryn and took her everywhere with her.  So when we came home from our trip to the bay and Taryn was missing. I was not too worried. She would show up. Fayth did not fuss much, but every couple days she would comment again about Taryn being missing.

Finally about 2 weeks after our vacation, it registered in my mom brain that this doll was really missing. She was not just hiding. So Fayth and I started discussing what our options were. Fayth decided to buy a new doll with her babysitting money.

We had some discussion about buying a brown doll vs a white doll. I usually buy her brown dolls, but all her friends have white dolls.... This led to an interesting discussion on fb regarding which doll she should buy..

This is where the story takes a turn..

A friend fo mine on FB, ironically name Faythe, messaged me that she would like to buy Fayth both a  white doll and a brown doll. My first reaction was to refuse, telling her that Journi could buy a doll with her babysititng money and I would buy another one for her birthday. But I felt like God was prompting me to accept. That quiet voice in my heart said "Let me show her my love. Let her know that God is a daddy that cares."

So my friend Faythe and I had discussion on what dolls to get Journi. At the end Faythe shared that she felt that God wanted my Fayth to know that He is a Heavenly Father that cares and He loves her. It was an incredible moment to share with her that God had told em the same thing!

Meanwhile a friend had offered to sell Fayth a doll at a very discounted price. Fayth was so excited to get this used doll with her babysitting money. She felt like this doll was an answer to her prayers. This doll had thick brown hair and pretty light tan skin.

Several days later, a package arrived from Target. I told Fayth they were for her and she could open it...Inside were 2 beautiful dolls. One white. One black. She could hardly believe her eyes when she saw her two new dolls.

I told her that these dolls were a gift from God, that a friend she does not even know listened to God's promptings and obeyed. She is a loved daughter of the King.

It took her  a couple days to fully grasp the magnitude of this. Of God's great love for Her. That just like an earthly daddy might buy his daughter a gift, her Heavenly Father was sending her a special gift.

She came to me and asked me if God really cares about dolls, cause He is a man and men don't care about dolls... It was my pleasure to explain again that God cares about the things that are important to us. Even dolls.

The best part is that God has blessed her abundantly above what she could ever imagine. She now had 3 dolls, 2 brand new dolls, and one used doll. She kindly without hesitation gave her used doll to her sister who only had one doll.

Another God story..

Because God cares about every detail of your life.. So Nesiah's insurance will no longer pay for her prepared food, Real Food Blends. I loved them and they made my life so easy. The cost out of pocket is approx $400 a month, so I am not able to fit that into my budget. Meanwhile I have been blending table food for her. She struggles to maintain her weight so she needs large volumes of food, which I blend in large batches twice a week in my amazing Blend tec. She eats as much as my other girls do. She is also dairy, gluten and rice free.So it takes a lot of food. In addition we carefully monitor her labs so I have to make sure her meals are balanced enough that she gets all the nutrition she needs. We have a vacation coming up, plus busy summer days of picnics, lunch at the pool and outings with friends. I was praying how to handle this. I really did not want to drag the Blend tech with us on our vacations, mostly because I was afraid that it would break. My options were to make blends at home, water bath can them or freeze them so we could take them along safely.

Meanwhile God has it all under control.. Yesterday I ran to the discount grocery store for groceries. They had a whole bunch of organic, gluten free single serving soups for $.99 a box. They were dairy, gluten and rice free! They were soft meltable texture so they don't even need blending. Basically heat and go.. Not a complete meal, but add in some homemade yogurt, some cheap carrot juice and she has a balanced meal! But.. best of all, where God answers prayers in ways you don't think about.. Today a friend dropped off 2 small nutri bullet style blenders. They are single serving blenders. Small enough to toss into a bag and take with us, when we go out with friends. Small enough to easily pack up for a vacation. The perfect size to blend up an individual meal in minutes. Now, it had never even crossed my mind to buy one of these, yet God provided the perfect solution for us! I can actually stick one in the van and leave it there, so if we get a last minute meal invitation I can just pull it out to blend on the go.

Bonus points: Bubbie loves his smoothies. The blend tec is better suited for large portions (which is exactly what I need for the big kids). But this nutri bullet type blender allows me to make quick, small smoothies for Bubbie too. I just love how God uses various people in our lives to bring His blessings to us. I want to be mindful of the promptings, the soft whispers of his voice that led me to help others. I want to be a dispenser of His grace and blessings, as I am filled up, I pour out on those around me.

Provision..

We are continuing to see God's Hand on our lives. The journey has been hard but so worth it. We have overcome some pretty big obstacles and God continues to Renew our lives. He continues to grow us.

I look back about 9 months, I see a time of desperation. A time of struggle. I never want to forget that God is in the valleys and on the mountain tops.

In Oct 2016, I cried out to God. I was concerned. We needed community. We needed emotional, physical and financial support. I am quite proud of being totally self sufficient. But I realized that I needed a community, I needed more than what I had. I couldn't do it alone.


First of all, my dear friend who has always been my rock, my support, my listening ear, one who ahs never abandoned us, no matter the choices I have made.. No matter that we do life differently.. that friend insisted that I seek some medical attention for my pain.

Answered Prayer #1. I started seeing a holistic chiropractor. MY very first visit it was clear that God can use anyone anywhere.. I had an incredible divine appointment and this Chiropractor has been used by God to totally change my life,  both physically and emotionally. I have regained so much health, so much of my personality. I praise God every day for this.

Answered Prayer # 2. We made some new friends. As my health improved I made efforts to connect with various people. I prayed specifically for friends for my girls and for friends  for myself,  friend who have teens. I have connected with 2 very different groups of people who meet those needs. We actually have a very active social life again. (active for us, who are introverts. )

Answered prayer #3 Out of the blue, randomly but totally God ordained, people from my past, from my time as a young bride with a sick husband.. those people who I have had little to no contact with for 10 or so years... those people started contacting me, telling me they felt led to give.. family members too, for the first time.. we received food,a blender, money, getaways, more food, a used fridge.. It was truly shocking to me. God was telling me, no matter where  I go. No matter what I do,He has got me in the palm of His hand. He cares and he can use anyone.. He doesn't need me to plan out every moment of my life, but He does need dme to simply obey and wait on Him.

Answered Prayer #4 We found a church. For the past 3 years, we had done home church. It was just easier. It was to hard top juggle the kids, Nesiah and Bubbie were so disruptive that I rarely enjoyed a message. Every once in a while when the guilt of not taking my kids to church would overwhelm me.. or when I had a really good week healthwise, we would visit churches.. but the kids hated it...
Finally, as my health improved, and my energy improved I felt like God was nudging me to step out in faith. My children were very resistant at first, they loved homechurch.. So in order to motivate them and myself, I promised them that every time we went to church, I would buy them pizza. Now they love pizza and it is a rare treat.. Suddenly my children were highly motivated to go to church. (Don't judge me. I am only human!)
We connected with a local church. We found it to be perfect for what we need right now. we made connections and doors opened.. We are now plugged in again. We have a church home. This has been a 3 year long journey, of healing and growing. (and no I don't buy the kids pizza anymore. They like church now)

Answered Prayer #4 I was invited to join an adoptive mom's support group. A group of mommas deep in the trenches of strong and hard parenting. It has been such an encouragement for me.

Answered Prayer #5 In my pursuit for health, dealing with the fact that 2 of my children have pretty aggressive lyme disease, Nesiah is having a lot of seizure activity and switching to homemade foods vs commercial formula, dealing with my own lyme (and other health issues), dealing with my son who is prediabetic and all the food allergies and asthma issues we have dealt with.. I have decided to use all the knowledge I have gained over the years and put it to good use. I am working on getting certified as a natural health consultant. I hope to educate people on the use of whole foods, herbs and other holistic methods of getting healthy and staying healthy.  While helping stabilize my financial situation.

We have found community. We have connected to so many different groups of people, our homeschooled friends, our adoption group friends and  our church friends. We are babysitting/doing respite alot which allows us to reach out and serve others. We spend a lot of time praying for the burdens that so many of our friends carry. Because being plugged in, is not just about taking.... it is about giving, continuing the cycle of being the hands and feet of Jesus.

I Need An Intervention

It is baby season...  

This was our view to the birthing pen.. we spend a lot of time hanging out here waiting and watching.

This year has been a lot of fun, because the kids can handle most of the animals. They keep after everything for me. I go to the barn to help milk and keep tabs on the babies once a day. 

The one momma totally rejected her baby. She refused to lick her etc.. so Elizabeth got to bottle fed her. 

Another momma was unable to feed her babies, but she supplies us with an abundance of milk, so we are bottle feeding her babies. The first week, they need round the clock feedings, so Elizabeth kept the babies in a box by her bed. 

We were rather disappointed that our 6 mommas only gave us 8 babies. Many were new moms so it was not a big surprise, but it was still disappointing. So I found a couple goats on craigslist and somehow.. still not sure how.. I ended up buying 6 more goats. So now we have a total of 14 baby goats, 9 which are bottle fed. I think I need an intervention...  cause if my counts are right, we somehow ended up with 20 goats on the farm.