We are living in times such as our generation has never before seen. The entire world is being impacted by Covid19, fear and madness.
I have yet to figure out which is worse, the fear that people are living in or the reality that one could die of Covid19. I am not afraid of death. I am not afraid of loss. But goodness, going to the grocery store makes me feel afraid for our world. People are being driven by fear...
People are afraid fo dying, they are afraid of losing their money, they are afraid of losing their business, they are afraid of losing loved ones, they are afraid of what Covid19 can do... going into the grocery store one can feel the anxiety and the fear. This week I chose to run out for some more food. Everyone was wearing masks, the cashiers had to wipe down counters, they wore gloves, people are expected to stay 6 ft apart. No one made eye contact, no one smiled, everyone walked in this self protective fear mode. I decided to spread some cheer. IT was shocking how few people actually smiled back when you smiled at them.
WE are quarantined at home.. tho its hard to tell how quarantined we are.. because David still works 4-5 afternoons a week, Elizabeth works one afternoon a week, I run out for groceries every 2 weeks, and I made a run to the greenhouse and several to the bank/pharmacy. I am keeping the little ones home as much as possible. Yesterday Bubbie asked if he could go to the grocery store... just to see all the food. lol He misses going shopping with me. But he is my immune compromised child so I had to say no.
Schools are closed for the year. Nesiah is getting stuff via an ipad and google classroom. Bubbie was doing all his school work at home under direction from his teacher. I chose to pull him and homeschool him. I am just not good with the school at home thing. I prefer homeschooling "my way" which really involves eliminating all the busy work, moving quickly from one concept to the next and wrapping up this school year in short order! So I am homeschooling him.... this was not an easy decision and came with lots of prayer, wrestling and some tears. But God is faithful and we know he is in this with me.
The three little ones are thriving in the midst of this quarantine. They love being home, actually all the kids do. We have had very few behavior issues int he past 6 weeks. Everyone loves having having the whole family home. Baby girl is growing quickly and thinks all the big kids being home means they are here to dote on her. Bubbie loves the freedom of being home, of having a less stressed mom and of being able to play outside for hours.
While our time at home has been good. While our finances are not directly impacted by the crisis, our hearts hurt for those around us who are struggling. The children who do not thrive at being home 24/7. The fathers who wish they could go to work but are not allowed. Our world will never be the same.
Saturday, April 18, 2020
Sunday, January 5, 2020
Holy Spirit Moments
This morning we attended church. It was a bit more hectic than normal. Usually, I have a friend that helps with Bubbie or the boys manage him. Today neither my helper or my boys were available. So I had Mr. Wiggly ADHD, along with baby girl who needed a nap and Nesiah who wasn't very happy about church. When baby girl started fussing, I snuck out with her.
I slipped into the quiet of the nursery. Someone had put in a couch and rearranged the room. It was a very inviting spot. I dimmed the lights and sat down to rock baby girl. It took less than 5 minutes for her to fall asleep. Snuggling her in my arms, rocking softly back and forth, breathing in the quiet of the room, I felt this supernatural peace. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. IT was so real that the tears squeezed out of the corners of my eyes, dripping down on baby girl.
For weeks I have rushed. I have kept on top of everything, processing the adoption paperwork, parenting the kids, making Christmas special, dealing with some paperwork headaches, and just so much... not anything major, no real big problems. Just lots of small things.. with never a minute to breath. I needed a minute away to pray, to think, to breath.
Today I sat in that little room and I breathed, I rested, I felt the Holy Spirit minister to me. I felt His love for me. I felt my heart and soul fill with His Presence and His peace.
I looked around for a way to lock the doors.. but there was none. I was really tempted to cry buckets and then take a nap on the couch. But I knew my teenagers would die of embarrassment, so I enjoyed my moment, I cried my tears and then I took a deep breath and moved on, filled up.
I slipped into the quiet of the nursery. Someone had put in a couch and rearranged the room. It was a very inviting spot. I dimmed the lights and sat down to rock baby girl. It took less than 5 minutes for her to fall asleep. Snuggling her in my arms, rocking softly back and forth, breathing in the quiet of the room, I felt this supernatural peace. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. IT was so real that the tears squeezed out of the corners of my eyes, dripping down on baby girl.
For weeks I have rushed. I have kept on top of everything, processing the adoption paperwork, parenting the kids, making Christmas special, dealing with some paperwork headaches, and just so much... not anything major, no real big problems. Just lots of small things.. with never a minute to breath. I needed a minute away to pray, to think, to breath.
Today I sat in that little room and I breathed, I rested, I felt the Holy Spirit minister to me. I felt His love for me. I felt my heart and soul fill with His Presence and His peace.
I looked around for a way to lock the doors.. but there was none. I was really tempted to cry buckets and then take a nap on the couch. But I knew my teenagers would die of embarrassment, so I enjoyed my moment, I cried my tears and then I took a deep breath and moved on, filled up.
Saturday, January 4, 2020
The Beginning of a New Decade
2020 the beginning of a new decade. I love to look back and see where life has taken me. Living the life I do, things often change drastically. 20 years ago, I was 16, 10 years ago I was 26, now I am 36. I have lived a lot of life in the past 20 years.
My top ten highlights from the last 10 years.
1. In 2010 I adopted David and Fayth. Nesiah came to live with us. I started homeschooling the kids.
2. In 2011 I adopted Nesiah, Lee, and Elizabeth. We also moved to our current home that year. we purchased our first animals, chickens, and a mini horse.
3. In 2012, We added a milk cow to our little farmette. I think we may have had sheep too. It was our first year as a family with no new family members and no adoptions.
4. 2013, Bubbie was born and came to live with us. We got rid of the cow and bought some sheep. I was still homeschooling.
5. 2014, We were in the midst of hard hard. Bubbie was sick and colicky, sleep was nonexistent, and medical appointments far too frequent. We got a crash course on allergies and asthma. We also had extensive and frustrating foster care drama. It was a hard hard year.
6. 2015, We adopted Bubbie, only by a miracle. His health started improving. We added goats and 2 old horses to the farm. I also started homeschooling Nesiah that year.
7. 2016, We took a week-long vacation to Cape Cod thanks to a generous friend. We added bunnies, dogs, and sheep to our menagerie. Maybe even a steer that year?
8, 2017 The year we spend repairing our health. I had horrific Lyme disease and adrenal fatigue. I made the decision to take care of my health that year. 5 out of 6 kids also had Lyme disease! We battled and won that fight. We found a church we plugged into. My boys became teenagers and the 3 oldest kids got part-time jobs, opened savings accounts and started budgeting.
9, 2018 The year we really started thriving again. Bubbie started attending a private school. I started working as a parent trainer for the local children and youth agency. This is the year all 4 of my big kids were teenagers. I had my own babysitters and mother's helpers. BEST OF ALL, baby girl came to live with us 5 days before Christmas. We added a couple steers, several goats and another dog to the menagerie. I made a big garden in part of my pasture.
10. 2019, I quit my job. Bubbie attended his private school for first grade. Nesiah went back to public school. This all happened over summer as I recognized that I needed to take steps to prevent burnout. The older 3 kids all had steady jobs over the summer with families from church. I raised a large garden and canned a ton of food.
So in ten years, I adopted 6 kids with another adoption coming up really soon. I had two babies dropped into my lap while I was NOT a licensed foster parent. I homeschooled 4 kids from 1st to high school. I had my first kid go into private school. I moved to a farmette and obtained animals, raising as much of our own milk, eggs, and meat as possible. I started a garden from scratch, raising as much of our own food as possible. I started working as a parent trainer for cys and then quit when I got a baby.
My top ten highlights from the last 10 years.
1. In 2010 I adopted David and Fayth. Nesiah came to live with us. I started homeschooling the kids.
2. In 2011 I adopted Nesiah, Lee, and Elizabeth. We also moved to our current home that year. we purchased our first animals, chickens, and a mini horse.
3. In 2012, We added a milk cow to our little farmette. I think we may have had sheep too. It was our first year as a family with no new family members and no adoptions.
4. 2013, Bubbie was born and came to live with us. We got rid of the cow and bought some sheep. I was still homeschooling.
5. 2014, We were in the midst of hard hard. Bubbie was sick and colicky, sleep was nonexistent, and medical appointments far too frequent. We got a crash course on allergies and asthma. We also had extensive and frustrating foster care drama. It was a hard hard year.
6. 2015, We adopted Bubbie, only by a miracle. His health started improving. We added goats and 2 old horses to the farm. I also started homeschooling Nesiah that year.
7. 2016, We took a week-long vacation to Cape Cod thanks to a generous friend. We added bunnies, dogs, and sheep to our menagerie. Maybe even a steer that year?
8, 2017 The year we spend repairing our health. I had horrific Lyme disease and adrenal fatigue. I made the decision to take care of my health that year. 5 out of 6 kids also had Lyme disease! We battled and won that fight. We found a church we plugged into. My boys became teenagers and the 3 oldest kids got part-time jobs, opened savings accounts and started budgeting.
9, 2018 The year we really started thriving again. Bubbie started attending a private school. I started working as a parent trainer for the local children and youth agency. This is the year all 4 of my big kids were teenagers. I had my own babysitters and mother's helpers. BEST OF ALL, baby girl came to live with us 5 days before Christmas. We added a couple steers, several goats and another dog to the menagerie. I made a big garden in part of my pasture.
10. 2019, I quit my job. Bubbie attended his private school for first grade. Nesiah went back to public school. This all happened over summer as I recognized that I needed to take steps to prevent burnout. The older 3 kids all had steady jobs over the summer with families from church. I raised a large garden and canned a ton of food.
So in ten years, I adopted 6 kids with another adoption coming up really soon. I had two babies dropped into my lap while I was NOT a licensed foster parent. I homeschooled 4 kids from 1st to high school. I had my first kid go into private school. I moved to a farmette and obtained animals, raising as much of our own milk, eggs, and meat as possible. I started a garden from scratch, raising as much of our own food as possible. I started working as a parent trainer for cys and then quit when I got a baby.
Monday, December 30, 2019
Everything We Own Comes With a Story..
Everything we own comes with a story. We never just outright buy anything... It just goes against my grain to pay full price for anything. Plus it seems God has a way of providing things for us.
Now, this doesn't mean we always get what we want when we want it. It means that we get what we need when we need it.
I bought a used stove and fridge for $150 each when we moved here. They were old but sturdy. They served us well for the past 8 years. But... the oven had never baked evenly and it was falling apart.
So when we got a Christmas blessing, I decided to look at getting a new stove. I had planned to shop on facebook marketplace, but when we made a trip to Lowe's, we saw they were having a great appliance sale. So I checked out what they had. I was pleasantly surprised by their prices. So I planned to take a trip to Lowe's to pick up the stove sometimes in the next week.
Meanwhile, I felt God leading me to put as much as possible of our MANY Christmas blessings into savings for Bubbie's school tuition next year. So I wrestled a little. I really wanted a new stove!! But I also want to be obedient with the blessings we are given.
One evening browsing facebook, a friend shared a post on her page of a stove for sale by a friend of hers. It was black. My current appliances are white and cream. But it was NICE and it was only $100 and I had "that feeling". So I messaged the lady. She said she would measure and get back to me.
The next day I still had not heard anything. Finally, I reached out and she let me know she had already sold it.
I was disappointed but have learned to trust God. At this point I just let it go.
This morning she messaged me again. The first guy changed his mind. I could have the stove. We chatted a little, regarding our connections to the friend who had shared the post. This lady was the cousin of my friend's late husband. I shared that I was a widow too.
So This afternoon the boys removed the backseat of the van. We headed out to pick up the stove. It was perfect for us. I paid the younger guy. He and my boys loaded the stove into the back of the van.
Meanwhile, the older guy was telling me how much his wife hated having a black stove. I said that with all my kids I think black might hide some of the dirt.
So we were ready to head out and the guy looks at me with a grin and hands back my money with a cheery Merry Christmas! I was shocked. I kept asking are you sure?! The boys were shocked....This man's generosity was so unexpected and such a wonderful blessing. Now we had a stove and money to put towards tuition!
So we hauled that beautiful black stove home, the boys took the old power cord off the old stove and attached it to the new stove. They moved it into its spot and we praised God for once again providing for us.
I thanked Jesus outloud for our beautiful stove and I apologized for sounding ungrateful, but I told Jesus I would really like a new stove hood that matches. (And my children scolded me for not being content with what I have :) )
The neatest thing in all of this was my children's view of God at work. Last week, we spend a good bit of time giving, giving with open hands and hearts. We talked alot about how what we have is not ours, but Gods. That we must be willing to give from what we have and that God does promise to give back what we give.
Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back
Another positive in this.. is that my boys were quite proud of their ability to switch out the power cords and set up the stove themselves. I am still supervising closely and helping as needed. But they now do all the things that I used to do.
Now, this doesn't mean we always get what we want when we want it. It means that we get what we need when we need it.
I bought a used stove and fridge for $150 each when we moved here. They were old but sturdy. They served us well for the past 8 years. But... the oven had never baked evenly and it was falling apart.
So when we got a Christmas blessing, I decided to look at getting a new stove. I had planned to shop on facebook marketplace, but when we made a trip to Lowe's, we saw they were having a great appliance sale. So I checked out what they had. I was pleasantly surprised by their prices. So I planned to take a trip to Lowe's to pick up the stove sometimes in the next week.
Meanwhile, I felt God leading me to put as much as possible of our MANY Christmas blessings into savings for Bubbie's school tuition next year. So I wrestled a little. I really wanted a new stove!! But I also want to be obedient with the blessings we are given.
One evening browsing facebook, a friend shared a post on her page of a stove for sale by a friend of hers. It was black. My current appliances are white and cream. But it was NICE and it was only $100 and I had "that feeling". So I messaged the lady. She said she would measure and get back to me.
The next day I still had not heard anything. Finally, I reached out and she let me know she had already sold it.
I was disappointed but have learned to trust God. At this point I just let it go.
This morning she messaged me again. The first guy changed his mind. I could have the stove. We chatted a little, regarding our connections to the friend who had shared the post. This lady was the cousin of my friend's late husband. I shared that I was a widow too.
So This afternoon the boys removed the backseat of the van. We headed out to pick up the stove. It was perfect for us. I paid the younger guy. He and my boys loaded the stove into the back of the van.
Meanwhile, the older guy was telling me how much his wife hated having a black stove. I said that with all my kids I think black might hide some of the dirt.
So we were ready to head out and the guy looks at me with a grin and hands back my money with a cheery Merry Christmas! I was shocked. I kept asking are you sure?! The boys were shocked....This man's generosity was so unexpected and such a wonderful blessing. Now we had a stove and money to put towards tuition!
So we hauled that beautiful black stove home, the boys took the old power cord off the old stove and attached it to the new stove. They moved it into its spot and we praised God for once again providing for us.
I thanked Jesus outloud for our beautiful stove and I apologized for sounding ungrateful, but I told Jesus I would really like a new stove hood that matches. (And my children scolded me for not being content with what I have :) )
The neatest thing in all of this was my children's view of God at work. Last week, we spend a good bit of time giving, giving with open hands and hearts. We talked alot about how what we have is not ours, but Gods. That we must be willing to give from what we have and that God does promise to give back what we give.
Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back
Another positive in this.. is that my boys were quite proud of their ability to switch out the power cords and set up the stove themselves. I am still supervising closely and helping as needed. But they now do all the things that I used to do.
Wednesday, December 25, 2019
Life Update
It has been a super long time since I have been on here. I locked all my social media and my blog platform down last fall when the news picked up the story of Nesiah's bio mom being charge. It has been an incredible year. Bio mom was sentenced in early Dec. and life has moved on.
So much of life has changed. The kids have grown alot in the last year. We added a new family member, a teeny tiny Christmas miracle, 5 days before Christmas 2018. She has been the light of our lives and we hope to make a permanent member of our family in the very near future.
The three older kids have all had jobs this summer. They enjoy working and earning money. They discuss their ever-growing savings accounts and the ownership of cars in the near future. The boys both have cell phones. They did discover that cellphone ownership is not as wonderful as they thought it would be. Ironically Mom discovered that she LIKES that the kids have cell phones.
The kids have all matured so much. It is absolutely wonderful to have my own mothers helpers and babysitters. The boys have taken over many of the "manly" tasks around the house and barn. Lee and Fayth did all my mowing and trimming this summer. They all do so much to help me around here. I have never had quite so many willing and able helpers.
Nesiah and Bubbie are going to school this year. It was a hard decision but it was the right decision. Bubbie is thriving and school is the absolute best thing for him. He has an amazing teacher, great classmates and I have made some wonderful friends. I see this as part of the "village" it will take to raise up this strong child of mine. Nesiah is not thriving as I would like. I am not sharing details now. But we appreciate prayers. We are hoping to hire a nurse to go to school with her. The process has been painfully slow. Meanwhile, we pray.
The 4 older kids are in 10, 9, 9 and 8th grade. I like high school, but goodness biology and algebra stretch me to my limits. They are all doing well with their schooling, so I am happy.
I am no longer working. This summer, I realized that I had too much on my plate so I placed aside some things for this season. God is taking care of us and we are taking life one year at a time. The emotional toll of working with these families was not something I could carry right now. MY children need more of me... and I am happy to be home fulltime.
I put in a large garden last summer. That is a whole story all of its own. It was a massive fun project. It was worth every bit of blood sweat and tears. The garden produced super well and saved us $$$.
I collect leaves, horse manure, and free woodchips, much to the embarrassment of my teens. But it makes me happy and I pay them in video game time for their muscles and labor.
We are raising puppies. It is a fun project. The middle three kids all have dogs. Poppy, Daisy, and Lilac. We are anticipating puppies in February. We are also in the middle of finishing out a dog palace. Because I can not have two litters of puppies in the living room with a mischievous 1 yr old. The puppies will be born in the house and moved outside. Hopefully, one momma will go early and the other one late so my plan works. :)
We have found a church home that fits us well. My children love the church, youth group, and their friends. I like the diversity of families that is a rare find in our county. I like the strong friends my kids have. It is not perfect, but it is perfect for us in this season.
The kid's bio mom was arrested, charged and sentenced to 4- years in prison for what she did to Nesiah. That was an interesting journey and will be a story for another day. We are ever careful for our safety.
I hope to get back into blogging. But stringing together a coherent string of words while living in my house, is not always possible.
So much of life has changed. The kids have grown alot in the last year. We added a new family member, a teeny tiny Christmas miracle, 5 days before Christmas 2018. She has been the light of our lives and we hope to make a permanent member of our family in the very near future.
The three older kids have all had jobs this summer. They enjoy working and earning money. They discuss their ever-growing savings accounts and the ownership of cars in the near future. The boys both have cell phones. They did discover that cellphone ownership is not as wonderful as they thought it would be. Ironically Mom discovered that she LIKES that the kids have cell phones.
The kids have all matured so much. It is absolutely wonderful to have my own mothers helpers and babysitters. The boys have taken over many of the "manly" tasks around the house and barn. Lee and Fayth did all my mowing and trimming this summer. They all do so much to help me around here. I have never had quite so many willing and able helpers.
Nesiah and Bubbie are going to school this year. It was a hard decision but it was the right decision. Bubbie is thriving and school is the absolute best thing for him. He has an amazing teacher, great classmates and I have made some wonderful friends. I see this as part of the "village" it will take to raise up this strong child of mine. Nesiah is not thriving as I would like. I am not sharing details now. But we appreciate prayers. We are hoping to hire a nurse to go to school with her. The process has been painfully slow. Meanwhile, we pray.
The 4 older kids are in 10, 9, 9 and 8th grade. I like high school, but goodness biology and algebra stretch me to my limits. They are all doing well with their schooling, so I am happy.
I am no longer working. This summer, I realized that I had too much on my plate so I placed aside some things for this season. God is taking care of us and we are taking life one year at a time. The emotional toll of working with these families was not something I could carry right now. MY children need more of me... and I am happy to be home fulltime.
I put in a large garden last summer. That is a whole story all of its own. It was a massive fun project. It was worth every bit of blood sweat and tears. The garden produced super well and saved us $$$.
I collect leaves, horse manure, and free woodchips, much to the embarrassment of my teens. But it makes me happy and I pay them in video game time for their muscles and labor.
We are raising puppies. It is a fun project. The middle three kids all have dogs. Poppy, Daisy, and Lilac. We are anticipating puppies in February. We are also in the middle of finishing out a dog palace. Because I can not have two litters of puppies in the living room with a mischievous 1 yr old. The puppies will be born in the house and moved outside. Hopefully, one momma will go early and the other one late so my plan works. :)
We have found a church home that fits us well. My children love the church, youth group, and their friends. I like the diversity of families that is a rare find in our county. I like the strong friends my kids have. It is not perfect, but it is perfect for us in this season.
The kid's bio mom was arrested, charged and sentenced to 4- years in prison for what she did to Nesiah. That was an interesting journey and will be a story for another day. We are ever careful for our safety.
I hope to get back into blogging. But stringing together a coherent string of words while living in my house, is not always possible.
Saturday, February 16, 2019
Fatherlessness In the Christian Community
This post is meant to educate. Please don't pity us or judge us.. We just want understanding.
Ask any single mom and/or widow in the christian community, that is raising good Godly young men, how the christian community (CC) responds to their kids and they will all essentially answer the same.
OUR GOOD KIDS ARE INVISIBLE IN THE CC.
Troubled kids, generally you can get people to step up and be a hero. You can get people to come in and judge your parenting and offer advice.. but the good kids, the ones who try to do right are often ignored.
This is what we have seen/experienced.... Little boy about 3 years old, suddenly starts to notice daddies. He sees that his friends have daddies. He wants one, they look fun! So he tries to join the daddy/son fun at gatherings or events. But see that daddy doesn't want to deal with that pesky kid, so he is ignored or outright rejected.
Little fatherless boys learn that daddies don't like him. He doesn't understand why.. but he learns quickly that he doesn't fit in and is generally not wanted where there are daddies.
So single mom sees that something needs to be done.. she seeks mentors as her boys grow. She seeks men willing to spend time with that little boy because she is concerned about his view of men/daddies. (she is often jaded towards men too) She finds mentors, which really are rarer then snow in Hawaii. They usually last about 2-6 months then they get bored.. So little boy learns that men are good for treats and taking them out to eat, but they don't hang around.
So.. now little boys are growing into teenagers. So far they experienced nothing but rejection and being ignored by good Godly men. They can no longer relate to good Godly men, they see that they don't fit into that circle. So when the few and far between men do reach out to them, they rebuff them. They have high walls, they are not about to lap up those crumbs of attention as they did in the past. They don't need that..
They are conflicted...They ask their mothers, how do you expect us to have good marriages and be strong Godly men, when we don't have the role models... and the single mom's jokes about being both mom and dad are no longer funny...
These young men seek to find their identity. They need to learn how to be young men of God. But the men of God have no time to teach them or model it to them.. It's not that men choose to be ignorant. It is not deliberate. They just don't think about it.. They don't notice that boy without a father struggling to figure out who he is.. They have their own teens, their own jobs, their own ministries. Besides, when they do reach out to these young teens, they get little to no response. So they move on...
The young men continue to grow.. now they don't want to participate in church activities with the men, because they "don't belong" there. They know mom is the one advocating and pushing them to go, they know none of their friends moms is involved. Mom doesn't understand teen boys, mom doesn't understand what it's like to be ignored, rejected, overlooked or even worse having to stand out because you don't have a dad.
And the young men look for a place to belong... and it's not in the Christian Community.
The reality is God is the father of the fatherless and in an ideal world the sons of single moms would be able to believe that their identity is in Christ. They would not need validation from good christian men.... They would be able to grow in Godliness to become more Christlike and change the next generation. That is what all of us single mom/widows pray for every day..
(this can apply to dads who are gone alot too)
Ask any single mom and/or widow in the christian community, that is raising good Godly young men, how the christian community (CC) responds to their kids and they will all essentially answer the same.
OUR GOOD KIDS ARE INVISIBLE IN THE CC.
Troubled kids, generally you can get people to step up and be a hero. You can get people to come in and judge your parenting and offer advice.. but the good kids, the ones who try to do right are often ignored.
This is what we have seen/experienced.... Little boy about 3 years old, suddenly starts to notice daddies. He sees that his friends have daddies. He wants one, they look fun! So he tries to join the daddy/son fun at gatherings or events. But see that daddy doesn't want to deal with that pesky kid, so he is ignored or outright rejected.
Little fatherless boys learn that daddies don't like him. He doesn't understand why.. but he learns quickly that he doesn't fit in and is generally not wanted where there are daddies.
So single mom sees that something needs to be done.. she seeks mentors as her boys grow. She seeks men willing to spend time with that little boy because she is concerned about his view of men/daddies. (she is often jaded towards men too) She finds mentors, which really are rarer then snow in Hawaii. They usually last about 2-6 months then they get bored.. So little boy learns that men are good for treats and taking them out to eat, but they don't hang around.
So.. now little boys are growing into teenagers. So far they experienced nothing but rejection and being ignored by good Godly men. They can no longer relate to good Godly men, they see that they don't fit into that circle. So when the few and far between men do reach out to them, they rebuff them. They have high walls, they are not about to lap up those crumbs of attention as they did in the past. They don't need that..
They are conflicted...They ask their mothers, how do you expect us to have good marriages and be strong Godly men, when we don't have the role models... and the single mom's jokes about being both mom and dad are no longer funny...
These young men seek to find their identity. They need to learn how to be young men of God. But the men of God have no time to teach them or model it to them.. It's not that men choose to be ignorant. It is not deliberate. They just don't think about it.. They don't notice that boy without a father struggling to figure out who he is.. They have their own teens, their own jobs, their own ministries. Besides, when they do reach out to these young teens, they get little to no response. So they move on...
The young men continue to grow.. now they don't want to participate in church activities with the men, because they "don't belong" there. They know mom is the one advocating and pushing them to go, they know none of their friends moms is involved. Mom doesn't understand teen boys, mom doesn't understand what it's like to be ignored, rejected, overlooked or even worse having to stand out because you don't have a dad.
And the young men look for a place to belong... and it's not in the Christian Community.
The reality is God is the father of the fatherless and in an ideal world the sons of single moms would be able to believe that their identity is in Christ. They would not need validation from good christian men.... They would be able to grow in Godliness to become more Christlike and change the next generation. That is what all of us single mom/widows pray for every day..
(this can apply to dads who are gone alot too)
Sunday, July 22, 2018
My Latest Project
I decided we need a garden... a big garden. We have a little garden, with just enough food for fresh eating. But now that I have 4 teens we need more food.
So I had this grand idea. I decided to fence off a quarter of my 3 acres of pasture and turn it into a garden. I have everything I need for canning. I have the helpers. I have the room. So why not try to grow all my own food?
So first step I found some wire fencing on Fb market place. I drove way out to some backwoods town to pick it up. It was just the right amount of fencing for my space.
So I plotted out my garden.. but somewhere in the midst of my garden planning I decided to add a gaga pit, since the garden was going to be in the only flat space on our entire property.
My parents came for their annual visit. My dad helped my boys build a gaga pit out of 2x8 boards I found on craigslist. It turned into a much bigger job then I had ever anticipated so I was really thankful for my dads help. It took the 4 kids, Grandma and Grandpa an entire day to build it.
So next step, get the neighbor to cut down the dead tree. He came out on the following Saturday and cut it down. Unfortunately he left it lay.. and now I am trying to figure out how to burn it. I discovered that dead pine is very difficult to burn, even if it is no longer green.
So now we have the fence up, the tree down, the gaga pit build.. so its time or the next step.
I had decided we needed a lasagna garden/square foot garden/no till garden combination of gardening as I could not afford a tiller. So I put up signs asking for wood chips, grass clippings and composting scraps.. within a week a neighbor had dropped off 4 large bales of 3 yr old corn fodder!! I was so thrilled.
The kids and I marked off the first half of the garden. This is my favorite part. I love planning out things like this. So far we have 2 really long, narrow beds, 1 wide bed and 3 triangular beds that we marked off and layered with corn fodder. NExt step is adding greens, either grass clippings or manure!
I am so excited to see what I can plant in this garden next year! I have access to free raspberries, free elderberry bushes, free asparagus plants and free herbs.
It is a slow, step by step project but we plan to overseed for winter and do no planting until spring so we have lots of time.
Currently both our mowers are broken, so I need to work on repairing those so we can mow the meadows which will give me an abundance of grass clippings.
We have called all our local tree companies to order any and all wood chips they want to deliver. WE had high winds go through last night so I am hoping that means wood chips for us!
This garden has proven to be theraputic during a stressful season of life. I have also discovered that this is one area that Bubbie is willing to work with me. He hates all housework and dishes etc.. but he LOVEs to help me in the garden. Many evenings we are outside puttering around in the garden space.
So I had this grand idea. I decided to fence off a quarter of my 3 acres of pasture and turn it into a garden. I have everything I need for canning. I have the helpers. I have the room. So why not try to grow all my own food?
So first step I found some wire fencing on Fb market place. I drove way out to some backwoods town to pick it up. It was just the right amount of fencing for my space.
So I plotted out my garden.. but somewhere in the midst of my garden planning I decided to add a gaga pit, since the garden was going to be in the only flat space on our entire property.
My parents came for their annual visit. My dad helped my boys build a gaga pit out of 2x8 boards I found on craigslist. It turned into a much bigger job then I had ever anticipated so I was really thankful for my dads help. It took the 4 kids, Grandma and Grandpa an entire day to build it.
So next step, get the neighbor to cut down the dead tree. He came out on the following Saturday and cut it down. Unfortunately he left it lay.. and now I am trying to figure out how to burn it. I discovered that dead pine is very difficult to burn, even if it is no longer green.
So now we have the fence up, the tree down, the gaga pit build.. so its time or the next step.
I had decided we needed a lasagna garden/square foot garden/no till garden combination of gardening as I could not afford a tiller. So I put up signs asking for wood chips, grass clippings and composting scraps.. within a week a neighbor had dropped off 4 large bales of 3 yr old corn fodder!! I was so thrilled.
The kids and I marked off the first half of the garden. This is my favorite part. I love planning out things like this. So far we have 2 really long, narrow beds, 1 wide bed and 3 triangular beds that we marked off and layered with corn fodder. NExt step is adding greens, either grass clippings or manure!
I am so excited to see what I can plant in this garden next year! I have access to free raspberries, free elderberry bushes, free asparagus plants and free herbs.
It is a slow, step by step project but we plan to overseed for winter and do no planting until spring so we have lots of time.
Currently both our mowers are broken, so I need to work on repairing those so we can mow the meadows which will give me an abundance of grass clippings.
We have called all our local tree companies to order any and all wood chips they want to deliver. WE had high winds go through last night so I am hoping that means wood chips for us!
This garden has proven to be theraputic during a stressful season of life. I have also discovered that this is one area that Bubbie is willing to work with me. He hates all housework and dishes etc.. but he LOVEs to help me in the garden. Many evenings we are outside puttering around in the garden space.
Saturday, June 16, 2018
The day my 14 yr old son was introduced to alcohol..
As a single parent raising kids from hard places, I try hard to parent intentionally. We have family values, family rules, family guidelines..I am intentional and my children write out life goals and values for themselves at 13. Recently we have had some really good discussions about different family values and morals, about family rules, about the fine line between socially drinking and becoming addicted. The talks about how just because it is not sin, does not make it right. The talks about how we are influenced by those we spend time with. The talks about how we must be willing to be set apart and different and how hard that can be.
God has been faithful in providing positive role models and friends for my children in the past year. We do struggle to find good Godly men that want to invest in young lives.But every once in awhile I find people who do that.. Usually in the most unusual and quiet ways. For that I am most thankful.
Let me give you an example.. My one son has started wearing his shirt tucked into his waistband. I HATE that look. It drives me CRAZY! But I let it go, because it really is a matter of preference.. AND I realized that he does it because 2 men, 2 men who are showing him how to be hardworking farmers who honor God, wear their shirts tucked in.. and being like men is way more important then being like a boring old mom. He is watching and modeling what he sees.
We have walked through lots of hard stuff in the past couple months that has really stretched this momma. Parenting teenagers is not for the faint of heart. Parenting teenagers who spend the first 4-5 years of their lives in violent, criminal, dangerous, addiction ridden lifestyles is even harder. But God is good and my kids are amazing kiddoes who work hard at doing what is right. I can only hope these last couple months of hard things build their faith, build their relationship with me and each other and are all a part of their strong foundation that we continue to build. Teaching teen boys to respect their mom has been a huge challenge. But it is so worth the hard work.
I know the majority of my blogging is all about the good stuff and the easy stuff.. but I decided to share a recent challenge we encountered.
Several weeks ago, we were away. I had laid out guidelines and rules to protect my children. I give them freedom as they earn it. My trust in you gives you freedom. We discussed how to handle uncomfortable situations.
So day 1 of our vacation, 8:30 pm my 14 yr old got on a pontoon with a group of men. I was inside putting Bubbie to bed. I trust my kids to make wise choices. My 12 and 13 yr olds came inside around 9. When I asked where big brother was, they told me he had gone out on the boat. He had permission to do this, within my boundaries and he had checked himself to make sure he was within those boundaries.
I worked on getting Bubbie to sleep until 9:30, then I got the other kids to bed. My oldest was still not back from his pontoon ride.
So I went in search of others who might have details of what was going on.. Apparently all the men in the house except Jeremiah and my dad had gone out on this pontoon with the intent of fishing late into the night, while drinking "socially".
So now we have my 14 yr old son, out on a boat with a bunch of men he knows well and admires, fishing and drinking way late into the night. I. was. not. happy.
So I sat on the back deck praying.. see the thing is, I could have send a text message and demanded they bring him in. But he is a 14 yr old boy. He hates drama and a fuss. He would have been completely mortified and endlessly teased. I knew I could trust him to make wise decisions. I knew I could trust him to stand his ground and be a respectful son. I was very unhappy he was in this situation but I also knew that it needed to be handled with care.
So I felt led to merely pray, not intervene. I sat on that deck, worrying/fretting/praying from 10:30 to 11:30 pm. At about 11 pm, I felt led to reach out to a couple prayer warriors. My son is strong, but I knew that he was in a situation that I would never ever voluntarily allow my child to be in.
11:30 pm, after 3 hours of partying and fishing, my son and the other teen/preteen came laughing in the door. Soaking wet.. apparently they had almost capsized the pontoon. I did not find this the least bit funny and was in Massive Mama Bear mode.
He immediately went into defense mode.. Mom, I did not know it was going to be like this! We were just having fun! I obeyed all your rules!! You know you can trust me! I would never ever drink, I am not stupid! Mom, please don't make a fuss.
Me: What would YOU say if "I" went out until midnight drinking and hanging out with friends?!
Him: "I" was not drinking!
Me: silence
He had nothing more to say as he saw his mom in tears and he knew that a line had been crossed.
I send him to bed with a hug and the words "I love you and I am not angry at you. But I am very unhappy about the whole situation. We will talk about it some more when I am calm".
The next morning (at 5 AM!) when the other kids got up to go out fishing, they whispered wide eyed and shocked..
Was Elijah out all night?!
Was he drinking?
Is it true they almost drowned?
Now let's backtrack... somewhere around 11-11:15, I felt very heavy and I send out an SOS for prayer from my prayer warriors. Right about that time, it's a long story, but apparently someone went running across the overloaded pontoon and the entire thing tipped dangerously, Like witnesses said they had never gotten so close to dumping a boat into the lake.. Now, important details here.. the majority of the adults had been consuming alcoholic beverages. Only 2 people on that pontoon were strong swimmers, one of which was my son. They were out in the middle of the lake, pretty far from any land, in the middle of the night. #Godprotected!
Second story.. I have to say this is my favorite part of the whole story..
Apparently there was a good bit of "good natured" mocking of our family's values and my strong parenting.
So one man says "Let's text Ruth Ann and tell her we will bring Elijah in once he is sober."
Second guy says "Then there would be 3 people who walked on water. Jesus, Peter and Ruth Ann. She would march down those steps, across the dock and walk right across the lake to grab Elijah off this boat and haul him back to the house" .
Apparently everyone knew how I felt about drinking.. 🙈🙉
Later, I brought up to the group, would you drink socially or otherwise in front of your own teen?!
The answer was mostly yes, because obviously every family has different values and morals.
The question, I regret NOT asking.. what would you do if I challenged your kids and teased them because you choose to drink socially and I don't? What if I told your kid you were a wrong for drinking socially and you were damaging them by exposing them to it?
Disclaimer: I do not think drinking is a sin. I do drink wine occasionally. I just don't think I want my boys to see drinking as being "one of the men".
So as in the t shirt story above, where my son tucks in his shirt because that he is what he sees men doing.. he has been trying to be more like the men he is around.. but guess what he is modeling this time?!
Later once everyone was calm, Elijah and I sat down for a discussion. I did not forbid him from going on future fishing trips, tho I did forbid younger, less trustworthy children from going out. We talked about the kind of influences we need in our lives and the choices we must make. He now has to make his own decisions and I trust him..
We as a family have had some good conversations out of this hard thing, it is easy to want to protect our kids. It is equally important to guide them and guard their influences.
We also had some good conversations about how casual smoking and drinking, aka social smoking and drinking can lead to bigger problems. Realities we see in our home every day.. The realities of the damage alcohol can do to families. Addiction is no joke. Prenatal alcohol exposure is no joke.
How would you handle this situation? I especially would love to hear from experienced moms!
God has been faithful in providing positive role models and friends for my children in the past year. We do struggle to find good Godly men that want to invest in young lives.But every once in awhile I find people who do that.. Usually in the most unusual and quiet ways. For that I am most thankful.
Let me give you an example.. My one son has started wearing his shirt tucked into his waistband. I HATE that look. It drives me CRAZY! But I let it go, because it really is a matter of preference.. AND I realized that he does it because 2 men, 2 men who are showing him how to be hardworking farmers who honor God, wear their shirts tucked in.. and being like men is way more important then being like a boring old mom. He is watching and modeling what he sees.
We have walked through lots of hard stuff in the past couple months that has really stretched this momma. Parenting teenagers is not for the faint of heart. Parenting teenagers who spend the first 4-5 years of their lives in violent, criminal, dangerous, addiction ridden lifestyles is even harder. But God is good and my kids are amazing kiddoes who work hard at doing what is right. I can only hope these last couple months of hard things build their faith, build their relationship with me and each other and are all a part of their strong foundation that we continue to build. Teaching teen boys to respect their mom has been a huge challenge. But it is so worth the hard work.
I know the majority of my blogging is all about the good stuff and the easy stuff.. but I decided to share a recent challenge we encountered.
Several weeks ago, we were away. I had laid out guidelines and rules to protect my children. I give them freedom as they earn it. My trust in you gives you freedom. We discussed how to handle uncomfortable situations.
So day 1 of our vacation, 8:30 pm my 14 yr old got on a pontoon with a group of men. I was inside putting Bubbie to bed. I trust my kids to make wise choices. My 12 and 13 yr olds came inside around 9. When I asked where big brother was, they told me he had gone out on the boat. He had permission to do this, within my boundaries and he had checked himself to make sure he was within those boundaries.
I worked on getting Bubbie to sleep until 9:30, then I got the other kids to bed. My oldest was still not back from his pontoon ride.
So I went in search of others who might have details of what was going on.. Apparently all the men in the house except Jeremiah and my dad had gone out on this pontoon with the intent of fishing late into the night, while drinking "socially".
So now we have my 14 yr old son, out on a boat with a bunch of men he knows well and admires, fishing and drinking way late into the night. I. was. not. happy.
So I sat on the back deck praying.. see the thing is, I could have send a text message and demanded they bring him in. But he is a 14 yr old boy. He hates drama and a fuss. He would have been completely mortified and endlessly teased. I knew I could trust him to make wise decisions. I knew I could trust him to stand his ground and be a respectful son. I was very unhappy he was in this situation but I also knew that it needed to be handled with care.
So I felt led to merely pray, not intervene. I sat on that deck, worrying/fretting/praying from 10:30 to 11:30 pm. At about 11 pm, I felt led to reach out to a couple prayer warriors. My son is strong, but I knew that he was in a situation that I would never ever voluntarily allow my child to be in.
11:30 pm, after 3 hours of partying and fishing, my son and the other teen/preteen came laughing in the door. Soaking wet.. apparently they had almost capsized the pontoon. I did not find this the least bit funny and was in Massive Mama Bear mode.
He immediately went into defense mode.. Mom, I did not know it was going to be like this! We were just having fun! I obeyed all your rules!! You know you can trust me! I would never ever drink, I am not stupid! Mom, please don't make a fuss.
Me: What would YOU say if "I" went out until midnight drinking and hanging out with friends?!
Him: "I" was not drinking!
Me: silence
He had nothing more to say as he saw his mom in tears and he knew that a line had been crossed.
I send him to bed with a hug and the words "I love you and I am not angry at you. But I am very unhappy about the whole situation. We will talk about it some more when I am calm".
The next morning (at 5 AM!) when the other kids got up to go out fishing, they whispered wide eyed and shocked..
Was Elijah out all night?!
Was he drinking?
Is it true they almost drowned?
Now let's backtrack... somewhere around 11-11:15, I felt very heavy and I send out an SOS for prayer from my prayer warriors. Right about that time, it's a long story, but apparently someone went running across the overloaded pontoon and the entire thing tipped dangerously, Like witnesses said they had never gotten so close to dumping a boat into the lake.. Now, important details here.. the majority of the adults had been consuming alcoholic beverages. Only 2 people on that pontoon were strong swimmers, one of which was my son. They were out in the middle of the lake, pretty far from any land, in the middle of the night. #Godprotected!
Second story.. I have to say this is my favorite part of the whole story..
Apparently there was a good bit of "good natured" mocking of our family's values and my strong parenting.
So one man says "Let's text Ruth Ann and tell her we will bring Elijah in once he is sober."
Second guy says "Then there would be 3 people who walked on water. Jesus, Peter and Ruth Ann. She would march down those steps, across the dock and walk right across the lake to grab Elijah off this boat and haul him back to the house" .
Apparently everyone knew how I felt about drinking.. 🙈🙉
Later, I brought up to the group, would you drink socially or otherwise in front of your own teen?!
The answer was mostly yes, because obviously every family has different values and morals.
The question, I regret NOT asking.. what would you do if I challenged your kids and teased them because you choose to drink socially and I don't? What if I told your kid you were a wrong for drinking socially and you were damaging them by exposing them to it?
Disclaimer: I do not think drinking is a sin. I do drink wine occasionally. I just don't think I want my boys to see drinking as being "one of the men".
So as in the t shirt story above, where my son tucks in his shirt because that he is what he sees men doing.. he has been trying to be more like the men he is around.. but guess what he is modeling this time?!
Later once everyone was calm, Elijah and I sat down for a discussion. I did not forbid him from going on future fishing trips, tho I did forbid younger, less trustworthy children from going out. We talked about the kind of influences we need in our lives and the choices we must make. He now has to make his own decisions and I trust him..
We as a family have had some good conversations out of this hard thing, it is easy to want to protect our kids. It is equally important to guide them and guard their influences.
We also had some good conversations about how casual smoking and drinking, aka social smoking and drinking can lead to bigger problems. Realities we see in our home every day.. The realities of the damage alcohol can do to families. Addiction is no joke. Prenatal alcohol exposure is no joke.
How would you handle this situation? I especially would love to hear from experienced moms!
Sunday, June 10, 2018
Seasons of Change
I am going back to work..
I am going to be a working, homeschooling single mom.
Bubbie is going to private school.
I am both thrilled and terrified.
I know that this is what God has for me and God is in every detail of this journey.
I want to be that stay at home mom who spends her days doing fun things with her kids.
I don't want to send my kiddoe to school.
I know my kiddoe will benefit from being in school.
I think it will be a really good thing for me to get out and do something I am passionate about.
I go from thinking that there is no way my kids are ready to be left alone while mom works to thinking Praise God I have trained them in such a way that I can trust them to be left alone.
I am sad, to the point of mourning that so suddenly my years with young kids are over. Which happens when the majority of your kids are the same age.
I absolutely love having built in babysitters for Bubbie and Nesiah.
All the parenting books say that it is good for moms to have other interests and focuses as their kids enter the teen years and I think it is true..
I give myself permission to stop this job if I get overwhelmed.
I hope to see this job become a fulltime position and an answer to my financial worries in the next 5 years.
God has always provided for us in every way.. sometimes it is through gifts from other people, sometimes it is through a very flexible job that allows me serve children and families from hard places.
I can not believe my oldest is going into high school and my youngest into kindergarten. Where has time gone?
I remember the days when I would go months without ever being away from my children.The seasons when attachment issues made reentry miserable, so I just never took a break.
I appreciate the days when I can run out to meet a friend for coffee and leave the kids at home, alone, to finish up school or whatever tasks they are working on.
This post is all over the place but in reality so are my emotions. This is the end of a season, a season that I dearly loved and fully enjoyed.
I am going to be a working, homeschooling single mom.
Bubbie is going to private school.
I am both thrilled and terrified.
I know that this is what God has for me and God is in every detail of this journey.
I want to be that stay at home mom who spends her days doing fun things with her kids.
I don't want to send my kiddoe to school.
I know my kiddoe will benefit from being in school.
I think it will be a really good thing for me to get out and do something I am passionate about.
I go from thinking that there is no way my kids are ready to be left alone while mom works to thinking Praise God I have trained them in such a way that I can trust them to be left alone.
I am sad, to the point of mourning that so suddenly my years with young kids are over. Which happens when the majority of your kids are the same age.
I absolutely love having built in babysitters for Bubbie and Nesiah.
All the parenting books say that it is good for moms to have other interests and focuses as their kids enter the teen years and I think it is true..
I give myself permission to stop this job if I get overwhelmed.
I hope to see this job become a fulltime position and an answer to my financial worries in the next 5 years.
God has always provided for us in every way.. sometimes it is through gifts from other people, sometimes it is through a very flexible job that allows me serve children and families from hard places.
I can not believe my oldest is going into high school and my youngest into kindergarten. Where has time gone?
I remember the days when I would go months without ever being away from my children.The seasons when attachment issues made reentry miserable, so I just never took a break.
I appreciate the days when I can run out to meet a friend for coffee and leave the kids at home, alone, to finish up school or whatever tasks they are working on.
This post is all over the place but in reality so are my emotions. This is the end of a season, a season that I dearly loved and fully enjoyed.
Sunday, March 18, 2018
Teenagers
Many years ago, when I had 2 foster kids ages 3-4, I got another sibling set ages 3-4. The first sibling set was available for adoption, which was so exciting for me. Then the caseworkers asked if I would be willing to consider adopting the other sibling set, should they come up for adoption. I said, no way! There was no way I could raise them, especially once they are teens. So no, I was not willing to adopt all 4.
Yet somehow, by the Grace of God, I was blessed by the adoption of all 4 kids, and now they are 12--13 yrs old and I love them dearly..
Deep down, I have always been afraid of raising teenagers. My own teen years were very turbulent. Suddenly I have 2 teens and 2 on the cusp of teendom.
I am getting a crash course on teenagers. It's not just one, but 4. When I have one figured out the other one jumps in with drama. Add in early childhood trauma, the "hard places" these kids have survived and we have interesting dynamics.
On a positive note, they are really really awesome kids. They are fun, loving, kind, sweet, hard working, respectful kids. I get many compliments on their respectful attitudes and their maturity.
I love having peace and calm, I like being in control of my life. Having this crew means,lots of chaos, lots of wild energy, lots of illogical drama, lots of silly laughter and lots of letting go.
I firmly believe in co parenting with God. God is the Father of the Fatherless. The only way I will survive the next 5-6 years is by HIS grace and mercy. Recently he impressed on my heart that something was not right in my house. I spend a good bit of time in prayer, some electronic fasting, just seeking Him, trying to find answers.
He revealed the sin to me on Friday. I did some praying. My initial reaction was to flip out, to completely cut off things, to shut down, to put my foot down.. but God.. My goal is to be a Holy Spirit Parent. I want to respond not react to my children.
So I waited and I prayed. God revealed His plan for me. See, one my kids had used to internet to search for things. Things that were not edifying or upbuilding.
So God led me to this website, it had great resources, for kids, for parents, and it showed people who had recovered from a lifetime of addiction and sin. It was great. I spend a couple hours, praying, seeking God and putting together a little "presentation".
I called a family meeting and presented my presentation. It was a really neat God experience, but reality is deep down in my soul, there is this fear. What if I mess up this thing called parenting, what if these kids who have only been with me for such a short time, don't have enough of a foundation to withstand the temptations of the world?
I need to let go, I need to find the balance of losing the reins and pulling them back in when they need. This si HARD for me. So hard. I want to control and carefully build this sheltered world, where my children can only be ok. But.. they need to fail, they need to mess up, they need to feel the sting of sin in order to learn to stand strong.
Another one of my children is struggling, they don't like my rules, my boundaries and my parenting style. It has been a bit of a bumpy road lately. On Saturday, after the family meeting where I shared my presentation, I prayed and prayed. God help me lead these kids to you.
I had to run to pick up my Zaycon chicken, in town about 30 minutes away. So I asked my daughter to join me. She was not happy with me. But when we got in the van, the local christian talk radio station was on. I rarely have it on in the van. But it happened to be on, and the lady on the show was talking about relationships between girls and their families. We listened for 20 minutes. AT the end I looked at my daughter and we both burst into laughter. I told my daughter "That was from your daddy Jesus, just for you and I". God cares about every moment of our lives. He speaks through many things.
I took a 2 mile walk with my walking buddy last night. I vented to her, she is an adoptive mom too. She understands my fears. I love that God has placed her in my life for such a time as this.
This morning, at church, the message was again a confirmation. This was our conversation on the way home.
Son #2: Mom, Pastor A preached on the very thing you talked about yesterday!
Me: yup, God is trying to tell us something.
Son #1 Well, Pastor A did a much better job then you did mom!
Me: He is a Pastor, what do you expect?!
Both boys: His message wasn't nearly as embarrassing as your presentation!
Me: But he validated what I said, and that is all that matters.
I have spend a lot of time in the last week, praying, seeking God, asking him how to parent these kids. Surrending my will, knowing that I can not control their futures. I can not live in fear. They are truly good kids and they are fun to be around, I can not live in fear of losing this. I must trust that God holds them in his hand. I must let them live out the story that God has written for them, EVEN if that means they suffer pain and heartache.
This weekend I am reminded again, when I feel inadequate. When I am terrified of raising teens, when I have no clue how on earth I will parent these kids. That God is faithful, He is true and He is the pilot, I am merely along for the ride.
Yet somehow, by the Grace of God, I was blessed by the adoption of all 4 kids, and now they are 12--13 yrs old and I love them dearly..
Deep down, I have always been afraid of raising teenagers. My own teen years were very turbulent. Suddenly I have 2 teens and 2 on the cusp of teendom.
I am getting a crash course on teenagers. It's not just one, but 4. When I have one figured out the other one jumps in with drama. Add in early childhood trauma, the "hard places" these kids have survived and we have interesting dynamics.
On a positive note, they are really really awesome kids. They are fun, loving, kind, sweet, hard working, respectful kids. I get many compliments on their respectful attitudes and their maturity.
I love having peace and calm, I like being in control of my life. Having this crew means,lots of chaos, lots of wild energy, lots of illogical drama, lots of silly laughter and lots of letting go.
I firmly believe in co parenting with God. God is the Father of the Fatherless. The only way I will survive the next 5-6 years is by HIS grace and mercy. Recently he impressed on my heart that something was not right in my house. I spend a good bit of time in prayer, some electronic fasting, just seeking Him, trying to find answers.
He revealed the sin to me on Friday. I did some praying. My initial reaction was to flip out, to completely cut off things, to shut down, to put my foot down.. but God.. My goal is to be a Holy Spirit Parent. I want to respond not react to my children.
So I waited and I prayed. God revealed His plan for me. See, one my kids had used to internet to search for things. Things that were not edifying or upbuilding.
So God led me to this website, it had great resources, for kids, for parents, and it showed people who had recovered from a lifetime of addiction and sin. It was great. I spend a couple hours, praying, seeking God and putting together a little "presentation".
I called a family meeting and presented my presentation. It was a really neat God experience, but reality is deep down in my soul, there is this fear. What if I mess up this thing called parenting, what if these kids who have only been with me for such a short time, don't have enough of a foundation to withstand the temptations of the world?
I need to let go, I need to find the balance of losing the reins and pulling them back in when they need. This si HARD for me. So hard. I want to control and carefully build this sheltered world, where my children can only be ok. But.. they need to fail, they need to mess up, they need to feel the sting of sin in order to learn to stand strong.
Another one of my children is struggling, they don't like my rules, my boundaries and my parenting style. It has been a bit of a bumpy road lately. On Saturday, after the family meeting where I shared my presentation, I prayed and prayed. God help me lead these kids to you.
I had to run to pick up my Zaycon chicken, in town about 30 minutes away. So I asked my daughter to join me. She was not happy with me. But when we got in the van, the local christian talk radio station was on. I rarely have it on in the van. But it happened to be on, and the lady on the show was talking about relationships between girls and their families. We listened for 20 minutes. AT the end I looked at my daughter and we both burst into laughter. I told my daughter "That was from your daddy Jesus, just for you and I". God cares about every moment of our lives. He speaks through many things.
I took a 2 mile walk with my walking buddy last night. I vented to her, she is an adoptive mom too. She understands my fears. I love that God has placed her in my life for such a time as this.
This morning, at church, the message was again a confirmation. This was our conversation on the way home.
Son #2: Mom, Pastor A preached on the very thing you talked about yesterday!
Me: yup, God is trying to tell us something.
Son #1 Well, Pastor A did a much better job then you did mom!
Me: He is a Pastor, what do you expect?!
Both boys: His message wasn't nearly as embarrassing as your presentation!
Me: But he validated what I said, and that is all that matters.
I have spend a lot of time in the last week, praying, seeking God, asking him how to parent these kids. Surrending my will, knowing that I can not control their futures. I can not live in fear. They are truly good kids and they are fun to be around, I can not live in fear of losing this. I must trust that God holds them in his hand. I must let them live out the story that God has written for them, EVEN if that means they suffer pain and heartache.
This weekend I am reminded again, when I feel inadequate. When I am terrified of raising teens, when I have no clue how on earth I will parent these kids. That God is faithful, He is true and He is the pilot, I am merely along for the ride.
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