Teenagers

Many years ago, when I had 2 foster kids ages 3-4, I got another sibling set ages 3-4. The first sibling set was available for adoption, which was so exciting for me. Then the caseworkers asked if I would be willing to consider adopting the other sibling set, should they come up for adoption. I said, no way! There was no way I could raise them, especially once they are teens. So no, I was not willing to adopt all 4.

Yet somehow, by the Grace of God, I was blessed by the adoption of all 4 kids, and now they are 12--13 yrs old and I love them dearly..


Deep down, I have always been afraid of raising teenagers. My own teen years were very turbulent. Suddenly I have 2 teens and 2 on the cusp of teendom.


I am getting a crash course on teenagers. It's not just one, but 4. When I have one figured out the other one jumps in with drama. Add in early childhood trauma, the "hard places" these kids have survived and we have interesting dynamics.

On a positive note, they are really really awesome kids. They are fun, loving, kind, sweet, hard working, respectful kids. I get many compliments on their respectful attitudes and their maturity.


I love having peace and calm, I like being in control of my life. Having this crew means,lots of chaos, lots of wild energy, lots of illogical drama, lots of silly laughter and lots of letting go.

I firmly believe in co parenting with God. God is the Father of the Fatherless. The only way I will survive the next 5-6 years is by HIS grace and mercy.  Recently he impressed on my heart that something was not right in my house. I spend a good bit of time in prayer, some electronic fasting, just seeking Him, trying to find answers.

He revealed the sin to me on Friday.  I did some praying. My initial reaction was to flip out, to completely cut off things, to shut down, to put my foot down.. but God.. My goal is to be a Holy Spirit Parent. I want to respond not react to my children.

So I waited and I prayed. God revealed His plan for me. See, one my kids had used to internet to search for things. Things that were not edifying or upbuilding.

So God led me to this website, it had great resources, for kids, for parents, and it showed people who had recovered from a lifetime of addiction and sin. It was great. I spend a couple hours, praying, seeking God and putting together a little "presentation".

I called a family meeting and presented my presentation. It was a really neat God experience, but reality is deep down in my soul, there is this fear. What if I mess up this thing called parenting, what if these kids who have only been with me for such a  short time, don't have enough of a foundation to withstand the temptations of the world?

I need to let go, I need to find the balance of losing the reins and pulling them back in when they need. This si HARD for me. So hard. I want to control and carefully build this sheltered world, where my children can only be ok. But.. they need to fail, they need to mess up, they need to feel the sting of sin in order to learn to stand strong.

Another one of my children is struggling, they don't like my rules, my boundaries and my parenting style. It has been a bit of a bumpy road lately. On Saturday, after the family meeting where I shared my presentation, I prayed and prayed. God help me lead these kids to you.

I had to run to pick up my Zaycon chicken, in town about 30 minutes away. So I asked my daughter to join me. She was not happy with me. But when we got in the van, the local christian talk radio station was on. I rarely have it on in the van. But it happened to be on, and the lady on the show was talking about relationships between girls and their families.  We listened for 20 minutes. AT the end I looked at my daughter and we both burst into laughter.  I told my daughter "That was from your daddy Jesus, just for you and I".  God cares about every moment of our lives. He speaks through many things.

I took a 2 mile walk with my walking buddy last night. I vented to her, she is an adoptive mom too. She understands my fears. I love that God has placed her in my life for such a time as this.


This morning, at church, the message was again a confirmation.  This was our conversation on the way home.
Son #2: Mom, Pastor A preached on the very thing you talked about yesterday!
Me: yup, God is trying to tell us something.
Son #1 Well, Pastor A did a much better job then you did mom!
Me: He is a Pastor, what do you expect?!
Both boys: His message wasn't nearly as embarrassing as your presentation!
Me: But he validated what I said, and that is all that matters.

I have spend a lot of time in the last week, praying, seeking God, asking him how to parent these kids. Surrending my will, knowing that I can not control their futures. I can not live in fear. They are truly good kids and they are fun to be around, I can not live in fear of losing this. I must trust that God holds them in his hand. I must let them live out the story that God has written for them, EVEN if that means they suffer pain and heartache.

This weekend I am reminded again, when I feel inadequate. When I am terrified of raising teens, when I have no clue how on earth I will parent these kids. That God is faithful, He is true and He is the pilot, I am merely along for the ride.