Sunday, January 15, 2017


All of life is a journey... we never know why God gives or takes away. It can be hard to understand the big picture.

Last night I for the first time ever, started rereading my blogs from 2007-2006. The last 2 years of our journey through cancer.

I was talking to the kids about all this. So this is where beauty comes from the ashes... redemption.. so many things that only God could see. God can totally use the bad things in our lives for His good.

My older kids were 1-2 yrs old at this time. Nesiah was born over this time. They were living in bad situations.. I was walking the cancer journey as a young bride.

We all lost so much in 2006/2007. They lost first mommies and daddies, birth siblings, they lost everything they owned, their toys, their beds, their homes, their cousins, aunts/uncles, relatives, their lifestyles.  They moved through several homes. I lost my husband, my soulmate but I was surrounded by people who loved me and supported me.

In 2008 God brought us all together, 4 preschoolers from 2 different families, who needed a family. 1 very young, niave, heartbroken widow, who just wanted to make a difference in the world, because she saw that life was so very short and fragile.

God knew that I needed a purpose in life. These kids brought me purpose, a goal, something to focus on outside of my own heartbreak. They brought joy and fun and a whole lot of love into my life. These kids need someone who would fight for them, someone who keep them safe and tell them about Jesus.

Today I look around me... The woman, that blogged on caringbridge has surely changed...These heartbroken little kiddoes, who never had enough to eat, never knew if they were going to be safe, never knew about Jesus have surely changed.

I look around my living room.. a  couple big kids snuggled under blankets reading books, one kiddoe playing drums, another one reading the blog on the computer, 2 more taking naps and me with my warm peppermint tea.There are toys scattered everywhere, my house is never clean, the amount of food  I cook in a day is astounding... My life is consumed with teaching, directing, training, and educating these little people.  I am the sole provider, decision maker, and teacher. But I would not trade this life for any other.

God knew this, even then. He knew we would survive and thrive. He knew just which kids were supposed to be mine. He knew that on the day of Mesh's funeral, 2 of my kids would be removed from their bio home. Two stories, totally different worlds, two heartbreaking moments... Their story was all over the news. I never knew it until a year later when I was called to take 2 young children into my home.


Ten years from now, these kids will all be adults, except Bubbie. I will once again be a in a totally different stage of life. I am excited to see what God will do in the next chapter. Because ten years ago, parenting 6 kids, including one with special needs, homeschooling and running a small farm were NOT even close to being on my radar. Not even close.