Sunday, January 15, 2017


All of life is a journey... we never know why God gives or takes away. It can be hard to understand the big picture.

Last night I for the first time ever, started rereading my blogs from 2007-2006. The last 2 years of our journey through cancer.

I was talking to the kids about all this. So this is where beauty comes from the ashes... redemption.. so many things that only God could see. God can totally use the bad things in our lives for His good.

My older kids were 1-2 yrs old at this time. Nesiah was born over this time. They were living in bad situations.. I was walking the cancer journey as a young bride.

We all lost so much in 2006/2007. They lost first mommies and daddies, birth siblings, they lost everything they owned, their toys, their beds, their homes, their cousins, aunts/uncles, relatives, their lifestyles.  They moved through several homes. I lost my husband, my soulmate but I was surrounded by people who loved me and supported me.

In 2008 God brought us all together, 4 preschoolers from 2 different families, who needed a family. 1 very young, niave, heartbroken widow, who just wanted to make a difference in the world, because she saw that life was so very short and fragile.

God knew that I needed a purpose in life. These kids brought me purpose, a goal, something to focus on outside of my own heartbreak. They brought joy and fun and a whole lot of love into my life. These kids need someone who would fight for them, someone who keep them safe and tell them about Jesus.

Today I look around me... The woman, that blogged on caringbridge has surely changed...These heartbroken little kiddoes, who never had enough to eat, never knew if they were going to be safe, never knew about Jesus have surely changed.

I look around my living room.. a  couple big kids snuggled under blankets reading books, one kiddoe playing drums, another one reading the blog on the computer, 2 more taking naps and me with my warm peppermint tea.There are toys scattered everywhere, my house is never clean, the amount of food  I cook in a day is astounding... My life is consumed with teaching, directing, training, and educating these little people.  I am the sole provider, decision maker, and teacher. But I would not trade this life for any other.

God knew this, even then. He knew we would survive and thrive. He knew just which kids were supposed to be mine. He knew that on the day of Mesh's funeral, 2 of my kids would be removed from their bio home. Two stories, totally different worlds, two heartbreaking moments... Their story was all over the news. I never knew it until a year later when I was called to take 2 young children into my home.


Ten years from now, these kids will all be adults, except Bubbie. I will once again be a in a totally different stage of life. I am excited to see what God will do in the next chapter. Because ten years ago, parenting 6 kids, including one with special needs, homeschooling and running a small farm were NOT even close to being on my radar. Not even close.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

New Beginnings.

My word for 2016, was health.  I started out the year with the determination to improve my health and to work on healthy relationships. I had no idea the journey I was about to take.

I started by working on my health. The last 3 years had taken a huge toll on my health. Starting in February I made some lifestyle changes and lost a good bit of weight. But the more weight I lost the worse  I felt. In October I made the decision to see a holistic Dr for my health. There is a God story behind this one too. A divine appointment in  where  God showed me that he was in this too.
I learned just how much damage, the stress and the way I handle it, had done to my body. Thanks to a whole body health approach I am feeling so much better.

Along with managing my stress, I am working through some complex relationships in my life. I put up some pretty strong boundaries during our tumultous journey through Bubbie's journey. Now that we are strong again and as my health improved, we are working finding a healthy balance in those relationships.  I discovered that is hard work, especially when one is supposed to keep the stress level down.

There has been a lot of healing in the past year. A lot of positive changes. I feel like I am getting the old me back, but maybe stronger and wiser then ever.

As a symbol of the changes in my life, I went to get my hair cut. Strange I know. But I only get my hair done once a year or so, so this is kind of a big deal. Through connections of a friend, I found this hair salon called New Beginnings. There is a long story about this, that involves lost keys, missed appointments but divine appointments that only God could orchestrate. I got my hair cut,  and I was incredibly blessed by people who care. Once again I was blown away by how God works out things. I have been gifted a year's worth of free hair cuts..

God cares about us. He knows the stress I have endured and the damage it has done. He knew the right Holistic Dr for my health, a Dr that worked with my finances to make sure I could get the help I needed. He knew the lifestyle changes I had to make to get healthy. He led me in the direction I needed. He has then gone abundantly above what I could imagine and also blessed me with the hair care that I need. (this is something I would never spend a lot of money on) I am excited to see what God has in 2017 for us!

Now for the lamb story. This is the God given wrap up to my 2017 story.
 It's a long story. But we have trying to get a lamb for Lee. We had a bit of run around. The night before Christmas eve, the farmer stopped by with a weak, cold, tiny, baby lamb for us. We took that little lamby and put it in a box with a heat pad. We attempted to used  a syringe to dribble warm, sugary milk into its mouth. It was not interested. It could not hold up it's head. It was so weak and frail. I truly did not think it would live. I was kinda frustrated and not in the mood to deal with this. But felt like God had something in this for us.
 A couple hours of warming the lamb, we gave it some honey on our fingers. That seemed to strengthen it a bit. By bedtime we were able to get up to 3 oz into it's mouth. It was still weak and we had to hold it's head up to get it to drink. We got up once during the night to feed it. It looked so much better already. By morning it was standing up. We had hope. She was a fighter.Tonight she is running around my house.
 There is something so incredible special about a baby lamb at Christmas. she loves the kids already and follows them around. It seems fitting that this lamb, a Christmas miracle would represent my year.
God is giving us new memories, new life, new beginnings. I am looking forward to what God is going to do in the next year.

We are making of a bucket list/dream big list for the next 6 years until the kids are adults.
take a week long trip to Florida
take a trip to Romania
take a long trip to explore the West
have each kiddoe continue building their own business
take a mission trip to a 3rd world country

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Christmas Came Early

Today was a day that my kids had much anticipated. Christmas with our Christmas Angels. Every year The S family brings us Christmas gifts. My kids love the gifts, love the fune evening with this family, and love hearing stories about Mesh from J. 
This morning Fayth woke up with an awful belly ache. She came out to find in me in the living room before 6. I gave her some stuff for her belly ache and send her back to bed. We had planned to babysit this morning, then head to the S family's house for dinner tonight.

Somewhere around 9 am, Fayth lost the couple bites of breakfast she had eaten.. so we made the decision to stay home! THe kids were bitter disappointed. But The S family offered to bring dinner and the gifts over for them.

Every year, this amazing family buys new shoes and new pjs for all the kids. This is a great delight for the kids and a huge huge blessing for me. We got together last year to open gifts and hang out for a bit, something both their kids and my kids loved.

They were totally excited to open their presents. I wish I would have thought to Facebook Live this!

Nesiah was quite tickled with her stuffie that prays!

Bubbie loves his backpack. He just recently broke the buckle on his favorite little backpack. This new backpack totally made his day. He loves his new shoes and his pjs too!

We were blessed by the delicious dinner that Angie had prepared for us. The Beiler's Donuts were a huge hit with the kids. The new shoes, pjs and toys a fun gift. My kids rarely get new shoes, I am a thrift shopper. So brand new shoes, straight from the store are a delight. We are so thankful for these amazing people who have themselves had some struggles this year, yet they do not hesitate to serve others.