Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Christmas...

I hate when people pity me...
I hate when people ignore me...
I really just want people to be comfortable around me.
Some days I wanna be real and vent about how hard the holidays can be.
But then everyone feels sorry for ya and wants to "bless you" ...
Or they shut you out of their lives, cause you make them uncomfortable....
Then you feel guilty for venting...

I am blessed beyond measure by my kids.
They love Christmas, songs, candy, presents, lights, joy, advent..
They are counting the days and hours until Christmas..
We do all the traditions, because I want my kids to have amazing memories..

But when they go to bed...
I think about what it would be like and the tears fall..
If M was still here...
If we were invited to Christmas parties..
If I could share the excitement of prepping gifts for the kids with him..
If we could sit and enjoy a cup of hot cocoa by the tree..

It's been almost 10 years..
Time to let go they say, you have to so many blessings...
But that really only makes things worse..
Because nothing can ever replace that hole that was left behind..


I am thankful for my widow group,
They understand when no one else does..
They live it too..

I am thankful for the friends that understand..
The friends that call and check in...
The friends that give grace on the rough days..







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