It has been a super long time since I have been on here. I locked all my social media and my blog platform down last fall when the news picked up the story of Nesiah's bio mom being charge. It has been an incredible year. Bio mom was sentenced in early Dec. and life has moved on.
So much of life has changed. The kids have grown alot in the last year. We added a new family member, a teeny tiny Christmas miracle, 5 days before Christmas 2018. She has been the light of our lives and we hope to make a permanent member of our family in the very near future.
The three older kids have all had jobs this summer. They enjoy working and earning money. They discuss their ever-growing savings accounts and the ownership of cars in the near future. The boys both have cell phones. They did discover that cellphone ownership is not as wonderful as they thought it would be. Ironically Mom discovered that she LIKES that the kids have cell phones.
The kids have all matured so much. It is absolutely wonderful to have my own mothers helpers and babysitters. The boys have taken over many of the "manly" tasks around the house and barn. Lee and Fayth did all my mowing and trimming this summer. They all do so much to help me around here. I have never had quite so many willing and able helpers.
Nesiah and Bubbie are going to school this year. It was a hard decision but it was the right decision. Bubbie is thriving and school is the absolute best thing for him. He has an amazing teacher, great classmates and I have made some wonderful friends. I see this as part of the "village" it will take to raise up this strong child of mine. Nesiah is not thriving as I would like. I am not sharing details now. But we appreciate prayers. We are hoping to hire a nurse to go to school with her. The process has been painfully slow. Meanwhile, we pray.
The 4 older kids are in 10, 9, 9 and 8th grade. I like high school, but goodness biology and algebra stretch me to my limits. They are all doing well with their schooling, so I am happy.
I am no longer working. This summer, I realized that I had too much on my plate so I placed aside some things for this season. God is taking care of us and we are taking life one year at a time. The emotional toll of working with these families was not something I could carry right now. MY children need more of me... and I am happy to be home fulltime.
I put in a large garden last summer. That is a whole story all of its own. It was a massive fun project. It was worth every bit of blood sweat and tears. The garden produced super well and saved us $$$.
I collect leaves, horse manure, and free woodchips, much to the embarrassment of my teens. But it makes me happy and I pay them in video game time for their muscles and labor.
We are raising puppies. It is a fun project. The middle three kids all have dogs. Poppy, Daisy, and Lilac. We are anticipating puppies in February. We are also in the middle of finishing out a dog palace. Because I can not have two litters of puppies in the living room with a mischievous 1 yr old. The puppies will be born in the house and moved outside. Hopefully, one momma will go early and the other one late so my plan works. :)
We have found a church home that fits us well. My children love the church, youth group, and their friends. I like the diversity of families that is a rare find in our county. I like the strong friends my kids have. It is not perfect, but it is perfect for us in this season.
The kid's bio mom was arrested, charged and sentenced to 4- years in prison for what she did to Nesiah. That was an interesting journey and will be a story for another day. We are ever careful for our safety.
I hope to get back into blogging. But stringing together a coherent string of words while living in my house, is not always possible.
Wednesday, December 25, 2019
Saturday, February 16, 2019
Fatherlessness In the Christian Community
This post is meant to educate. Please don't pity us or judge us.. We just want understanding.
Ask any single mom and/or widow in the christian community, that is raising good Godly young men, how the christian community (CC) responds to their kids and they will all essentially answer the same.
OUR GOOD KIDS ARE INVISIBLE IN THE CC.
Troubled kids, generally you can get people to step up and be a hero. You can get people to come in and judge your parenting and offer advice.. but the good kids, the ones who try to do right are often ignored.
This is what we have seen/experienced.... Little boy about 3 years old, suddenly starts to notice daddies. He sees that his friends have daddies. He wants one, they look fun! So he tries to join the daddy/son fun at gatherings or events. But see that daddy doesn't want to deal with that pesky kid, so he is ignored or outright rejected.
Little fatherless boys learn that daddies don't like him. He doesn't understand why.. but he learns quickly that he doesn't fit in and is generally not wanted where there are daddies.
So single mom sees that something needs to be done.. she seeks mentors as her boys grow. She seeks men willing to spend time with that little boy because she is concerned about his view of men/daddies. (she is often jaded towards men too) She finds mentors, which really are rarer then snow in Hawaii. They usually last about 2-6 months then they get bored.. So little boy learns that men are good for treats and taking them out to eat, but they don't hang around.
So.. now little boys are growing into teenagers. So far they experienced nothing but rejection and being ignored by good Godly men. They can no longer relate to good Godly men, they see that they don't fit into that circle. So when the few and far between men do reach out to them, they rebuff them. They have high walls, they are not about to lap up those crumbs of attention as they did in the past. They don't need that..
They are conflicted...They ask their mothers, how do you expect us to have good marriages and be strong Godly men, when we don't have the role models... and the single mom's jokes about being both mom and dad are no longer funny...
These young men seek to find their identity. They need to learn how to be young men of God. But the men of God have no time to teach them or model it to them.. It's not that men choose to be ignorant. It is not deliberate. They just don't think about it.. They don't notice that boy without a father struggling to figure out who he is.. They have their own teens, their own jobs, their own ministries. Besides, when they do reach out to these young teens, they get little to no response. So they move on...
The young men continue to grow.. now they don't want to participate in church activities with the men, because they "don't belong" there. They know mom is the one advocating and pushing them to go, they know none of their friends moms is involved. Mom doesn't understand teen boys, mom doesn't understand what it's like to be ignored, rejected, overlooked or even worse having to stand out because you don't have a dad.
And the young men look for a place to belong... and it's not in the Christian Community.
The reality is God is the father of the fatherless and in an ideal world the sons of single moms would be able to believe that their identity is in Christ. They would not need validation from good christian men.... They would be able to grow in Godliness to become more Christlike and change the next generation. That is what all of us single mom/widows pray for every day..
(this can apply to dads who are gone alot too)
Ask any single mom and/or widow in the christian community, that is raising good Godly young men, how the christian community (CC) responds to their kids and they will all essentially answer the same.
OUR GOOD KIDS ARE INVISIBLE IN THE CC.
Troubled kids, generally you can get people to step up and be a hero. You can get people to come in and judge your parenting and offer advice.. but the good kids, the ones who try to do right are often ignored.
This is what we have seen/experienced.... Little boy about 3 years old, suddenly starts to notice daddies. He sees that his friends have daddies. He wants one, they look fun! So he tries to join the daddy/son fun at gatherings or events. But see that daddy doesn't want to deal with that pesky kid, so he is ignored or outright rejected.
Little fatherless boys learn that daddies don't like him. He doesn't understand why.. but he learns quickly that he doesn't fit in and is generally not wanted where there are daddies.
So single mom sees that something needs to be done.. she seeks mentors as her boys grow. She seeks men willing to spend time with that little boy because she is concerned about his view of men/daddies. (she is often jaded towards men too) She finds mentors, which really are rarer then snow in Hawaii. They usually last about 2-6 months then they get bored.. So little boy learns that men are good for treats and taking them out to eat, but they don't hang around.
So.. now little boys are growing into teenagers. So far they experienced nothing but rejection and being ignored by good Godly men. They can no longer relate to good Godly men, they see that they don't fit into that circle. So when the few and far between men do reach out to them, they rebuff them. They have high walls, they are not about to lap up those crumbs of attention as they did in the past. They don't need that..
They are conflicted...They ask their mothers, how do you expect us to have good marriages and be strong Godly men, when we don't have the role models... and the single mom's jokes about being both mom and dad are no longer funny...
These young men seek to find their identity. They need to learn how to be young men of God. But the men of God have no time to teach them or model it to them.. It's not that men choose to be ignorant. It is not deliberate. They just don't think about it.. They don't notice that boy without a father struggling to figure out who he is.. They have their own teens, their own jobs, their own ministries. Besides, when they do reach out to these young teens, they get little to no response. So they move on...
The young men continue to grow.. now they don't want to participate in church activities with the men, because they "don't belong" there. They know mom is the one advocating and pushing them to go, they know none of their friends moms is involved. Mom doesn't understand teen boys, mom doesn't understand what it's like to be ignored, rejected, overlooked or even worse having to stand out because you don't have a dad.
And the young men look for a place to belong... and it's not in the Christian Community.
The reality is God is the father of the fatherless and in an ideal world the sons of single moms would be able to believe that their identity is in Christ. They would not need validation from good christian men.... They would be able to grow in Godliness to become more Christlike and change the next generation. That is what all of us single mom/widows pray for every day..
(this can apply to dads who are gone alot too)
Sunday, July 22, 2018
My Latest Project
I decided we need a garden... a big garden. We have a little garden, with just enough food for fresh eating. But now that I have 4 teens we need more food.
So I had this grand idea. I decided to fence off a quarter of my 3 acres of pasture and turn it into a garden. I have everything I need for canning. I have the helpers. I have the room. So why not try to grow all my own food?
So first step I found some wire fencing on Fb market place. I drove way out to some backwoods town to pick it up. It was just the right amount of fencing for my space.
So I plotted out my garden.. but somewhere in the midst of my garden planning I decided to add a gaga pit, since the garden was going to be in the only flat space on our entire property.
My parents came for their annual visit. My dad helped my boys build a gaga pit out of 2x8 boards I found on craigslist. It turned into a much bigger job then I had ever anticipated so I was really thankful for my dads help. It took the 4 kids, Grandma and Grandpa an entire day to build it.
So next step, get the neighbor to cut down the dead tree. He came out on the following Saturday and cut it down. Unfortunately he left it lay.. and now I am trying to figure out how to burn it. I discovered that dead pine is very difficult to burn, even if it is no longer green.
So now we have the fence up, the tree down, the gaga pit build.. so its time or the next step.
I had decided we needed a lasagna garden/square foot garden/no till garden combination of gardening as I could not afford a tiller. So I put up signs asking for wood chips, grass clippings and composting scraps.. within a week a neighbor had dropped off 4 large bales of 3 yr old corn fodder!! I was so thrilled.
The kids and I marked off the first half of the garden. This is my favorite part. I love planning out things like this. So far we have 2 really long, narrow beds, 1 wide bed and 3 triangular beds that we marked off and layered with corn fodder. NExt step is adding greens, either grass clippings or manure!
I am so excited to see what I can plant in this garden next year! I have access to free raspberries, free elderberry bushes, free asparagus plants and free herbs.
It is a slow, step by step project but we plan to overseed for winter and do no planting until spring so we have lots of time.
Currently both our mowers are broken, so I need to work on repairing those so we can mow the meadows which will give me an abundance of grass clippings.
We have called all our local tree companies to order any and all wood chips they want to deliver. WE had high winds go through last night so I am hoping that means wood chips for us!
This garden has proven to be theraputic during a stressful season of life. I have also discovered that this is one area that Bubbie is willing to work with me. He hates all housework and dishes etc.. but he LOVEs to help me in the garden. Many evenings we are outside puttering around in the garden space.
So I had this grand idea. I decided to fence off a quarter of my 3 acres of pasture and turn it into a garden. I have everything I need for canning. I have the helpers. I have the room. So why not try to grow all my own food?
So first step I found some wire fencing on Fb market place. I drove way out to some backwoods town to pick it up. It was just the right amount of fencing for my space.
So I plotted out my garden.. but somewhere in the midst of my garden planning I decided to add a gaga pit, since the garden was going to be in the only flat space on our entire property.
My parents came for their annual visit. My dad helped my boys build a gaga pit out of 2x8 boards I found on craigslist. It turned into a much bigger job then I had ever anticipated so I was really thankful for my dads help. It took the 4 kids, Grandma and Grandpa an entire day to build it.
So next step, get the neighbor to cut down the dead tree. He came out on the following Saturday and cut it down. Unfortunately he left it lay.. and now I am trying to figure out how to burn it. I discovered that dead pine is very difficult to burn, even if it is no longer green.
So now we have the fence up, the tree down, the gaga pit build.. so its time or the next step.
I had decided we needed a lasagna garden/square foot garden/no till garden combination of gardening as I could not afford a tiller. So I put up signs asking for wood chips, grass clippings and composting scraps.. within a week a neighbor had dropped off 4 large bales of 3 yr old corn fodder!! I was so thrilled.
The kids and I marked off the first half of the garden. This is my favorite part. I love planning out things like this. So far we have 2 really long, narrow beds, 1 wide bed and 3 triangular beds that we marked off and layered with corn fodder. NExt step is adding greens, either grass clippings or manure!
I am so excited to see what I can plant in this garden next year! I have access to free raspberries, free elderberry bushes, free asparagus plants and free herbs.
It is a slow, step by step project but we plan to overseed for winter and do no planting until spring so we have lots of time.
Currently both our mowers are broken, so I need to work on repairing those so we can mow the meadows which will give me an abundance of grass clippings.
We have called all our local tree companies to order any and all wood chips they want to deliver. WE had high winds go through last night so I am hoping that means wood chips for us!
This garden has proven to be theraputic during a stressful season of life. I have also discovered that this is one area that Bubbie is willing to work with me. He hates all housework and dishes etc.. but he LOVEs to help me in the garden. Many evenings we are outside puttering around in the garden space.
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